Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Forget it sister, I ain't moving to the country...

I like living in the city.

Right in the city; walking distance to more bars and theatres and venues and world-class art galleries and restaurants than you can shake a stick at. True, I may not visit them very often but I know that they’re there whenever I need them.

I need to be able to get a bottle of wine/loaf of bread/newspaper at any time, day or night, without having to walk more than five minutes from my front door.

I’d rather gouge my own eyeballs out than live in the country, which, as everybody knows, is the kind of place where you never know from one minute to the next that you might not be tossed by a bull or pitch-forked by a yokel or rolled over and broken up by a pack of hounds.

However, I do realise that some people like to live in the country. Country folk, equally, are perfectly happy to let us urban kids enjoy our sexy city lives.

So why doesn’t the same logic apply to breeding?

When, occasionally, someone says something to me about having children and I respond with my usual, "I don’t want children, never have," they feel that they need to tell me:

"Oh, you will."

Er, no I won’t. Fuck off.

"Oh you will, when you meet the right person."


I can accept that many people, most even, want to have children. So why can’t they live with the fact that I don’t?

Labels: , , , , ,


  • some people just cannot grasp the simple fact that other people are different from them. it's sort of a corollary to the rule that adolescents desperately want to fit in and be like everyone else. in this case people want everyone else to be like them.

    By Blogger Chaucer's Bitch, at 10:17 AM  

  • I've had the same thing to the point where I've been told I am selfish for not wanting children. "Selfish to whom?" I asked. "Your children" was the response. But I don't have any. WTF?

    By Anonymous Thursday, at 10:26 AM  

  • I remember that! Haven't heard that in ages, women being accused of being selfish if they didn't have children..... You'd never hear a man being accused of that!
    I have three children and frankly if most of us parents are honest, we'd admit that with a bit more thought most of us would have never gone ahead and done it.....

    And no, I'd never live in the country - perhaps by the sea..... You're trapped in your own home and have to drive everywhere. In my part of London, we have huge gardens and lots of parks - at least we can walk there without encountering fences and farm machinery.

    By Blogger Sylvia, at 11:38 AM  

  • I totally understand the aversion to the countryside- I've chosen to live in a shoebox in the centre of Rome rather than have a bit more space a bit further out. I love living cities for the same reasons as you.
    And if I ever have kids they're damn well going to enjoy living right in the centre too.

    By Blogger red, at 1:40 PM  

  • I hate the countryside. I don't feel safe unless there's concrete under my feet.

    By Blogger Billy, at 4:03 PM  

  • I think they might just possibly be scared that they made the wrong choice (- because once they're here, there's no sending them back...) They're defensive, so they put you on the defensive.

    By Blogger Annie, at 6:29 PM  

  • Is defensive a real word? All of a sudden it sounds funny.

    By Blogger Annie, at 6:29 PM  

  • When you meet the right person, he won't want kids either.

    If he did he wouldn't be right.

    By Blogger Geoff, at 7:57 PM  

  • Geoff - you're absolutely right, I'd not thought of it that way. THAT's what I'm going to say from now on. Ha!

    Sometimes I htink the breeders might be jealous but when I see thepity in their eyes when I mention my flatmates I'm not so sure.

    The incomprehension when I told people that I was going on holiday on my own is quite funny.

    Won't you be lonely? someone said - I'm going for three days!

    But it's the children thing that people just won't accept. They don't tell me that I'm listening to the worng music or reading the worng paper, say. Twats.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 9:02 PM  

  • 1. because people are idiots.

    2. because most marriages are the result of a drunken night out and a failed raincoat. they want everyone up the same creek so they don't feel so stupid.

    thank you for the link!*blush*

    By Blogger FirstNations, at 11:06 PM  

  • From what I've observed, the sort of women who say that have gone out of their way to find the "right" man because they want to have children. Then, when they get the kids and a few years have gone by, they realise he wasn't the right man after all. At which point they tend to start saying "well, at least I've got the kids - men always disappoint you in the end".

    Beware of people who talk in cliches.

    By Blogger Betty, at 9:31 AM  

  • I can understand that some people don't have kids because they can't have any and some people don't have kids because they don't want any. What I find harder to understand is why so many parents attribute selfishness to those who choose to remain childless. I had kids because I WANTED them and I could. Simple as that. Altruism didn't enter into it - I didn't NEED children. I had no thoughts of being the perfect mother and I could hardly give perpetuation of the species as an excuse. No, I was motivated purely by my selfish desire to have children.

    I'm sure you've already tried this, but why not ask some of those bothersome parents if they wouldn't admit to just the tiniest hint of selfishness in their decision to procreate? If nothing else you'll have fun watching them huff and puff as they try to justify their decision on purely unselfish grounds!

    By Anonymous Marsha Klein, at 10:34 AM  

  • I've known a few women who were rabidly un-maternal. Funky, independent chicks who loved their urban lifestyles and always swore blindly that they simply did not want kids. Ever.

    And without fail, every one of them reached a point somewhere around their mid-thirties where they suddenly changed their minds and got knocked up.

    Not saying it happens to everybody, but I've been amazed at how often it does happen.

    By Blogger LC, at 11:18 AM  

  • Hm. Bearing in mind that I've just realised that as a single woman I can no longer afford to live in London, this fills me with dread...

    By Blogger Clair, at 11:38 AM  

  • dquggcvI have kids, lots of em and I like it. I see many people who have kids, lots of 'em, and clearly don't like them.

    They are not an accessory as some seem to believe and you REALLY need to want them for whatever reason to actually have them. Far to many are born out of duty or expectation or even more often ignorance to mums and dads who are not equipped (and money is not a factor here) or just feel trapped either from the start of pregnancy or when they realise after two years that there is a very long time to go before you can come first again. Prospective parents need to be honest and admit to not wanting them before it is too late.

    By Anonymous Fidel, at 12:23 PM  

  • Apologies. Managed to put word verification into the comment- I'll get my coat.

    By Blogger Fidel, at 12:50 PM  

  • The fact I have never wanted kids has led to accusations of being a repressed lesbian (from a doctor!) and a digrace to my sex (from a colleague, now an ex-colleague).

    I've also been told "it's different when they're your own" - no they aren't! They still bawl and puke!

    Anyway I got sterilised in my 20s and I have never regretted it.

    However, I am happiest in a rural setting. I was brought up in the countryside.

    By Blogger llewtrah, at 7:20 PM  

  • I hate to admit it (and do so with trepidation as a gal in my mid thirties) but yeah one by one everyone I know who swore blind they never wanted kids: including my sister, a friend of mine who know has THREE, my best friend from school and a friend who lives in the countryside with her kids - one by one they've been transformed. I'm still undecided - but I really know I love my life (in a city, btw) as it is. And yes, some of the mothers I know have made me feel guilty for expressing it.

    By Blogger Tabby Rabbit, at 11:32 PM  

  • Most of the country watches sport. I don't.

    Most of the country seems to know what's happening in EastEnders. I don't.

    I turn to the wisdon of SuperHans from Peep Show for the final word on the majority-rules way of society:

    "People like Coldplay and voted for the Nazis.....you can't trust people"

    By Blogger Boz, at 11:16 AM  

  • Met the right person. Still don't.
    People just don't give up on asking about it tho..I might change my mind someday but I don't think the nagging of friends and family will be the turning point.
    And the funny thing is a lot of friends I know with kids tell me NOT to have kids as they sometimes wish they hadn't.

    By Blogger Geosomin, at 4:12 AM  

  • Met the right person. Arranged for him to have a child by my sister.


    I STILL, in my 40s, have to put up with this kind of BS. When do they think I'm going to wake up and have that biological alarm clock go off? Right after menopause? Because their argument now is to shake their heads and say, "soon it'll be too late and you'll regret it for the rest of your life."

    Grouch grouch grouch

    By Blogger Valerie, at 4:57 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home