Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Most Rambling Post Ever

- or - What I Done On Me Holidays

God, you piss off ‘home’ for a week, and all sorts of shit happens in the blogosphere.

Catching up, I have just purchased a copy of Shaggy Blog Stories.

When I first heard about it I thought: hmmm, nice idea but undoubtedly it will end up stuffed with terrible shite from the ‘A-listers’ (doesn’t that very term make you vom?) and sure enough, there they all are…Little Red You Set My Teeth On Edge, My Boyfriend is a Twat Actually It’s Just a Load Of Old Drivel Really, Girl Who Can’t Write for Shit, and Petite Anglais (I don’t hate PA, but it’s not great, is it?).

But it also features Dr Patroclus and Mr Blue Cat. Both of whom are probably technically A-list what with being terribly popular and stuff, but they both have brilliant blogs so I’ll let them away with it.

Providing the minor-sleb angle necessary to these things are Messers Andrew Collins and Richard Herring, both of whom I rather like. Mr Collins, in case you don’t know, is a multi-platform media-type, although I do wish he’d stop fannying around and concentrate on what he does best which is being a radio presenter. Richard Herring apparently used to be on the telly, but I mainly know him from when he comes on Andrew Collins’s radio show and makes jokes that are slightly inappropriate for mid-afternoon. I'm not so keen on his blog but I'm sure he's not losing any sleep over that.

Best of all though, Shaggy Blog Stories also stars Betty and Geoff. Who are not only two of my favourite bloggers, but they're also the only husband and wife blogging team in the world. Well, the only one that matters. And, unless they’ve both been operating a very clever cover-up over the past few years, neither of them are involved in the meeja in any way, shape or form. Now they’re in a book so congrats to them both, and I don't mind admitting I find it all quite exciting.

When I am an old lady living on the streets because I have no home or pension or children to care for me, Shaggy Blog Stories will be my ‘thing’. I will accost random strangers on the bus, waving the book in their faces, saying, "I know these people you know! Not in Real Life, but I do know them!"

Not everyone's a fan, of course. In fact Bob has been so incensed that he has flounced off Yet Frigging Again. This unfortunately has somewhat overshadowed the song he has written about ME! Or rather ‘Me’, but still…

Anyhow, you all know all of that already. So what have I been up to in the blog-free universe?

Mainly wincing. But also this…

I wandered into HMV and they were, to my immense astonishment, playing ‘Kick Me Again, Jesus’, the first, rough-as-fuck but filled-with-the-promise-of-everything-that-was-to-come single from legendary Irish nearly-men A House. Most odd.

Then it segued into ‘Punk Rock Girl’ by the Dead Milkmen.

Fuck me! What is going on? Someone, clearly, has gotten hold of one of my taped-off-the-radio cassettes from 1990 and is following me around. How? Why? What other explanation could there be?

I asked the till-jockey.

The poor lad. If you attempted to base a fictional record-store geek on this guy you’d be accused of creating a cartoon character. He had the lot. Late teens, fat, pasty, acne, milk-bottle glasses, greasy wiry hair and a snowstorm of dandruff on his black uniform t-shirt. Also, god love him, so lacking in basic social skills and confidence that a simple question from an ancient female customer (what IS this album?) had him cowering like a cornered animal, stammering and not looking me in the eye.

Turns out it’s Fanning's Fab Fifty – Ah, the soundtrack to my teens. I would have bought it but it was £22 (what am I, made of money?) and I’m not that sentimental. And it’s got U-fucking-2 on it.

Oh yes, and a demented old man on the bus who smelt like an umbrella that had been folded away while still wet, told me I was the double of Greer Garson. I’m not.

Right then.


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  • Aw, you made an old (albeit smelly) man happy.
    You can deny it all you like but I'm going to think of you as the haughty but hot Greer Garson now...
    It was not my intention to sound quite so creepy.

    By Blogger Arabella, at 12:54 PM  

  • 'Technically A-list'! Why, you...

    I want no part of no list, thank you very much. And I would also like to take this opportunity to point out that I am not involved in the meeja in any way, apart from having spent a few years prostrating myself before nasty, hateful IT journalists, begging them to cover my client's fascinating story about row-level locking of database tables. And if that's anyone's idea of a glamorous meeja job, then good luck to them.


    Sorry Spin, had to get that off my chest.

    R. Herring is great. As are Betty and Geoff. And you. I love all the bloggers, me. Although that Bob Swipe does frighten me a bit.

    By Blogger patroclus, at 12:57 PM  

  • Thanks for the kind words! I love everybody too, me. Although it is time to come clean. I write that crappy Measure column in The Grauniad ("The new Marc Jacobs collection - we're so loving it!") and Geoff has written a series of wankey books about modern architecture.

    By Blogger Betty, at 1:21 PM  

  • We'll do a B-list book one day, Spin. We'll all be in it and it will be good.

    By Blogger Geoff, at 1:56 PM  

  • I find Richard Herring strangely attractive. He's a bit naughty. And single. I think.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 2:01 PM  

  • Spinsterella - I have a report from a friend of a friend: "Sweaty and hairy, but enthusiastic".

    By Blogger Salvadore Vincent, at 2:41 PM  

  • "Although that Bob Swipe does frighten me a bit."

    Which means either that 'A-list Blogger's are so removed from reality that a kindly message of sympathy is a terrifying act or that you didn't read the end of this post P.

    If, as I suspect, it's the latter I don't blame you P. No other bugger does. If it's the former then God help you, love.

    Oh, and thanks for mentioning the song in passing Spin. Glad it made such an impression.


    p.s. tmpdrnks - almost understood that one..

    By Blogger Robert Swipe, at 3:26 PM  

  • Ooh, sex-gossip about minor celebrities - thanks Salvatore for that.

    Sweaty, hairy and enthusiastic I could live with. But. Now I've never seen Mr H in the flesh, not even on the telly or anything, but I get the feeling that he's possibly not pure sinew. Shame.

    Anyhow Bob, it's getting increasingly difficult to tell whether you're serious or not, but as this is a far-from-serious blog..perhaps if P had used a smiley face?*

    Have yourself a cup of tea.

    *There will be NO Smiley faces on this blog. I was only joking. ;-)

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 3:45 PM  

  • "Possibly not pure sinew" is putting it mildly. However, I believe that he has managed to date both Julia Sawalha and Sally Phillips, so he must more than make up for it with enthusiasm.

    Still interested?

    By Blogger Salvadore Vincent, at 4:12 PM  

  • I don't like the term 'A-list' either. 'Blogebrity' will suffice. Or perhaps 'blogocracy'. Kneel before me, blogserfs!

    *has a little lie-down*

    By Blogger james henry, at 4:15 PM  

  • I did see that, Bob, and thank you very much. However it wasn't so much the message of sympathy as everything else you've ever written that frightens me.

    Don't let that put you off, though (erm, as if it would).

    By Blogger patroclus, at 4:27 PM  

  • Anyway it could have been Germaine Greer the old bloke was thinking of. A lot of old blokes think of Germaine Greer.

    By Blogger Murph, at 4:33 PM  

  • Betty & Geoff are Britain's premier husband and wife blogging team.

    The Dead Milkman? Yikes!

    By Blogger Billy, at 5:38 PM  

  • Dave Fanning? Is he still going? I used to hang outside the bedroom window to get RTE2 when he was on.

    By Blogger realdoc, at 9:37 PM  

  • That book is stupid. Obviously I didn't get in it, otherwise I would be pimping it out all over my blog right now and lolling about how hilarious it is.

    I would like to see what post Petite Anglais had printed, because while she's lovely and everything (disclaimer in case she ever wants to link to me) the only funny thing about her is that she gave birth to a tadpole.

    By Blogger Annie Rhiannon, at 10:29 PM  

  • What about Molly and Anthony.

    Lots of good stuff on that Fanning album, Spin, including Costello's greatest moment. But I couldn't help thinking of that ginger bloke in The Commitments:

    "Aren't we a little white?"

    By Blogger Tim Footman, at 6:46 AM  

  • I second what Tim said about Molly and Anthony.

    The singer from The Commitments is probably solely responsible for all those middle aged karaoke dads who belt out Mustang Sally in bellowing gravelly voices. Yeuch.

    By Blogger Betty, at 9:53 AM  

  • that reminds me - I should buy a copy.
    Of course I'm sulking too because I was so busy feeling sorry for myself that I missed any mention of it and so wasn't able to submit anything and hence am not in it which is hugely disappointing because I'm just an attention whore with a deep and abiding need for recognition and praise (and commas).

    Bob, btw, the full fee wouldn't go to Comic Relief because clearly you have to pay to publish the book. No doubt with a bit more notice TD might have found a printer willing to do it for free but it was only a one week turnround job. Plus Lulu is American so probably couldn't care less about British charities.

    *finishes patronising statement of the obvious and pushes off*

    By Blogger GreatSheElephant, at 11:21 AM  

  • *finishes patronising statement of the obvious and pushes off*

    In response to this sort of self-righteous guff, I'd normally trot out my anecdote about the role played by the International Aid agencies in feeding and harbouring the perpetrators of the Rwandan genocide in their relief camps in Goma. (They *fed* and *harboured* gangsters who had been happily chopping their fellow human beings into little pieces not weeks earlier...)

    But that would be patronising and obvious, wouldn't it GSE? - just like the hysterical, aggressive 'celebrities' who bellowed out of our TV screens at the poor unwitting people who were guilt-tripped into *funding* that disgraceful travesty.

    Besides, you probably wouldn't know whether I was being serious or not...

    L.U.V. on ya,


    By Blogger Robert Swipe, at 12:44 PM  

  • That ginger bloke off of the Committments is the lead singer in a HUGELY popular band in Ireland called the Frames.

    Dave Fanning is responsible for an awful lot of my record collection.

    With due consideration, I still don't think I can handle any form of man-flab, even if it's attached to an otherwise naughty bloke. Plus, I imagine it's somewhat unlikely that Richard Herring's on the prowl for a short-arse loudmouthed Irishwoman with really bad skin.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 5:23 PM  

  • If Annie Rhiannon didn't make the cut, I want no part of it. Psshhh. Who's the girl that can't write for shit? Apart from me?

    By Blogger Morgan, at 5:57 PM  

  • She has a best selling book out, moaned about her minor sleb status and then continued to write erotic fiction about herself on the internet (producing another book).

    You can never underestimate the taste of the British public...

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:04 PM  

  • Are you arguing about whether or not comic relief is a good or a bad thing? (though I have to say it seems from quickly glancing through the arguments on this and other blogs that its really about this book that was published - apologies if this is incorrect).

    Basically, some NGOs do quite good work, some are quite bad. Some aid agencies do quite good work and some do quite bad work. In some countries, like in Rwanda, international intervention made things worse. In others, it has staved off large scale humanitarian crises. It all depends on how the money will be spent, and how strong an understanding the organisations involved have of the economic, social and political milieu in the country they seek to intervene in, something not many people really look into with a critical eye before giving.

    But the bottom line is that development is massively under-funded given the speed at which people in both developing and developed countries want results. If something is raising money for development, what you want to do is advocate and campaign for the better use of that money. Don't dismiss it out of hand.

    And on a related issues, anything that raises the profile of development issues is a good thing, if it results in a few more people becoming properly interested and actually working in development or studying it.

    By Anonymous riddledwiththepox, at 6:55 PM  

  • Hello Riddled,

    No, this wasn't supposed to be a debate about Comic Relief (I guess no one is that interested in tragic Irish indie bands), but it's very nice to have input from someone who is actually Out There.

    My own perhaps naive view is that giving to charity is a good thing. As well as the usual standing orders I do also get off my scrawny arse regularly to do actual voluntary work. I realise that there are all sorts of complex issues involved but I'd like to think that it's ultimately doing some good.

    I would, however, rather gouge my eyeballs out than watch comic relief/children in need/any other telethon..

    Morgan, if you don't know Who Girl With No Fucking Talent is you've had a lucky escape.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 7:34 PM  

  • "Are you arguing about whether or not comic relief is a good or a bad thing?"

    As you yourself attest R with the P (have you consulted realdoc on this btw - she's worked wonders with my cockrot...) the issues surrounding aid relief and development are never quite as clear cut as the "give us yer feckin' money" brigade would like us to think. *That's* all I was trying to get on the agenda. I agree wholeheartedly that Irish indie bands are far more important than the starving millions - and if I knew *anything* at all about *any* of them, I'd have been in on that debate instead, believe me...

    I'm just kidding by the way. Westlife are *fab*

    L.U.V. on ya,


    By Blogger Robert Swipe, at 9:46 AM  

  • This comment has been removed by the author.

    By Blogger Quote, at 2:22 PM  

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