Monday, February 26, 2007

Trophy Cabinet

Dan was a friend of the Psycho (first serious boyfriend and virginity-poacher), and had the good fortune (in 1992) to resemble a better-looking Chris Cornell.

But he was, as the Psycho put it, a dirty skanking bastard. It was a point of great irritation to P that Dan maintained a flawless olive complexion despite remaining untroubled by soap-and-water.

I saw for myself one sunny day at a festival.

P and I ran into Dan in the campsite. Dan didn’t have a ticket for the actual festival; he and his friends had spent four hours on a bus in order to spend three days getting pissed in a field. Dan produced a used sanitary towel from the breast pocket of his checked shirt.

"Got this off a girl last night" he said, then attempted to stick it to P’s face.

Do all men keep trophies? If any of you can out-do a used sanitary towel I’ll be most impressed.

Update: More trophies from the men of the blogosphere.

We have:

1. Jewellery
2. Some dirty pictures and videos
3. Er, a house.

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  • The very thought of ANYTHING that has been up a woman's fanster getting flashed about for comedic effect makes me want to heave...watching L7 that time must have damaged me.

    By Blogger Lardy Big Bot, at 5:55 PM  

  • Eeeew!

    By Blogger Billy, at 6:20 PM  

  • That is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard.

    that is the funniest thing I have ever heard.

    By Blogger Chaucer's Bitch, at 6:34 PM  

  • That is disgusting. What a horrible boy.

    By Blogger mimi buzzard, at 6:41 PM  

  • Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew.

    By Blogger Hannah, at 8:01 PM  

  • I know!

    Even the Psycho, who was not the most well-mannered chap in the world, was horrified.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 8:28 PM  

  • No trophies as such, but I do have a collection of racey photographs and home videos dating back to the early nineties. You never know when an ex-GF might get famous for some reason, and it's always nice to have some blackmail material available.

    I know it's a bit seedy, and I suppose the decent thing to do is to destroy this kind of stuff at the end of the relationship - but I just can't bring myself to do it.

    By Blogger LC, at 9:41 PM  

  • I managed to keep the house, if that counts.

    By Blogger Wyndham, at 9:55 PM  

  • That was gross! I have a random collection of jewelry collected by accident.

    By Blogger James, at 10:31 PM  

  • james: perfect! you can recycle it as gifts to current girlfriends.

    By Blogger Chaucer's Bitch, at 11:01 PM  

  • That is fucking minging.

    Was this the same festival as when Donatella L7 pulled out her tampax live onstage and hurled it into the crowd?

    By Blogger Annie Rhiannon, at 11:19 PM  

  • thats...
    *totally fucking speechless*



    By Blogger First Nations, at 1:49 AM  

  • Not the same festival as L7's tampon-flinging, but the same era.

    When the Psycho went to uni he had a pair of boxers pinned to his notice board. They were the ones he was wearing when we first, um, got together.

    A house is extremely impressive, although I'm not sure it counts as a shag-trophy.

    Jewellery - that's more of a marking-territory thing ("Oh, did I forget my necklace? Silly me. I might as well just leave it here for now...").

    Dirty vidoes, eh? Do you still watch them???

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 7:38 AM  

  • >>>Do you still watch them???

    God no, that would be unbelievably sleazy. I just keep hold of them in case an opportunity arises for me to blackmail any of my former girlfriends. It's all perfectly innocent.

    By Blogger LC, at 11:49 AM  

  • *sound of puking*

    Ina different vein, the only trophy I retained after a nocturnal encounter sounded like the name of a dinosaur and lasted as long as the antibiotics.

    LC appears to be devloping a disturbing trend, hope he didn't keep your chewing gum/fagbuts/nailclippings after you met him Spins....Little bit creepy.

    By Anonymous Fidel, at 12:35 PM  

  • T-Rex? Brontasaurus? Godzilla?

    I'm confused...

    BTW I don't smoke, chew gum or cut my nails in public. I'm a nice girl.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 1:25 PM  

  • Why on earth did the girl in question give it to him?! Or do you think he swiped it when she wasn't looking? And how would you go about doing that, I wonder...

    By Blogger Teeny, at 2:03 PM  

  • If I said Brontosaurus I'd be boasting

    By Anonymous Fidel, at 2:21 PM  

  • I think we can safely assume that he didn't pick up the laundry bill for the bedsheets after the previous night's activities (er, what with her being "on" and all ...)


    By Blogger Betty, at 2:26 PM  

  • It was at a festival, remember.

    Said young girl would, I imagine, have consumed at least two litres of Merrydown Cider in the sun before passing out in a tent, losing her knickers somewhere along the way to Dan's dastardly charms.

    I had sex in a tent at a festival. Once upon a time..

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 2:51 PM  

  • Would a current girlfriend want a pair of non-matching recycled earings?

    By Blogger James, at 8:07 PM  

  • Yuck, just yuck.

    By Blogger realdoc, at 10:58 PM  

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