Friday, January 26, 2007

Spinny's Ill-Informed Guide To Taking Drugs

Hyperventilation – first tried in 1988

You crouch down and take 10 really deep breaths. Holding the last breath in, stand up against the wall and get a friend to pump you hard on the chest. You pass out briefly, fall over, and are usually giggling when you come round.

Side effects – when our teachers found out they went mental and told us we could have died.

Alcohol – 1989

Vodka’n’coke it was in those days. Mixed up in my bedroom in a big jug borrowed from the kitchen (not noticed – as previously noted there wasn’t much cooking done in the Spinny Homestead) then poured back into Coke cans. Then we’d go to the disco already pissed.

Side-effects – You never grow out of it. Alcohol, I mean. I don’t drink coke these days, not even with a triple vodka in it. Filthy stuff.

Tippex Thinner – 1989

Forget about your glue and your aerosols – Tippex Thinner is top of the Solvent League. Gives you a bit of a whoosh and a giggle and it’s cheap and legal (to buy).

Side effects – Wears a suspicious bloody great hole in the sleeve of your school jumper.

Poppers – 1994

Tippex Thinner for Grown-ups

Side Effects – If you accidentally spill some on your hands it’s a really bad idea to think I can’t waste any and to stick your whole face in your hands. You’ll be a bit dizzy.

Cannabis – 1992

Growing up with the accepted wisdom that drugs are bad/wild/crazy I expected so much from my first joint that I was inevitably disappointed. I later discovered that you need a bit more than a few brief tokes to feel the effects. I smoked irregularly, more off than on, through the rest of my teens and early twenties. The fact that I can’t skin up to save my life explains why it never became a habit.

Side Effects – Massive toast habit.

Ecstasy – 1993

I tried it a handful of times. I was pretty wary – it’s just one pill, you can’t really control the dose, I didn’t even like dance music. But nothing happened so I started thinking that perhaps I was immune. Then, a few years later, on a night out in Perth, I discovered that I wasn’t. At one point a bouncer asked me if I was OK. Why wouldn’t I be? I picked you up off the bathroom floor twenty minutes ago. I got home at 6am and spent the next 6 hours throwing up bile.

Side effects – Chewing the inside of your mouth to shreds.

Diet Pills (Speed) – 1999

Freely available from the pharmacies of Ko Pha Ngang back then. I wasn’t going to stay for the Full Moon Party – such a backpacker cliché. Turned out to be one of the best nights of my life.

Side Effects – Um, none, really.

Sang Thip - 1999

I once got up in the middle of the night and went into the sea wearing only a blanket and my knickers. I’ve never behaved that oddly when on proper drugs.

Side effects – Don’t tell me that there’s nothing stronger than alcohol in it.

Coke – 1996

The last time I had any coke was in 2001, and I immediately fell asleep (I’d already had a few mid-afternoon Kronies and spliffs). I’ve only ever taken coke a few times over the years and have had miniscule amounts, so I’m not really qualified to comment…

Side-effects…however, you can always spot someone who’s just had a line a mile off as they’re always talking absolute bollocks.

Caffeine – 1986

I don’t drink much coffee – I get jittery (in a really nice way) after three – but I am really narky if I don’t get my required cup or two mid morning. That’s addiction. Black as hell, strong as death, bitter as disappointment, if you're putting the kettle on.

Side effects - none

Legal Highs – 2006

Note – not ‘herbal’ highs (tried them – don’t work). These ones are being marketed as a safe alternative to the likes of ecstasy and yes they do actually work. Controlled dose, reliable and predictable effects, and you don’t have to buy them off some uber-dodgy chav-type.

Side effects – kills your appetite for booze. Slightly tragic.

Drugs I haven’t tried

I somehow missed out on acid and mushrooms when I was having my misspent youth and always wanted to try them. However a post by Surly a while ago scared the bejaysus out of me so perhaps not.

Heroin – probably wouldn’t but my sister has smoked it once out of curiosity. "It’s what you expected your first spliff to be like," she said.

(For the record, I don’t do anything illicit these days except have a go on a spliff on the increasingly rare occasions I’m in the vicinity. (However if I was fabulously rich I'd probably have coke on my cornflakes like Noel Gallagher used to, just because I could.))


  • >>Massive toast habit.

    Made me giggle. The joke I mean, not the weed, although that did too.

    By Blogger LC, at 9:56 AM  

  • "Controlled dose, reliable and predictable effects". Where's the fun in that? :) I like the element of risk, the unpredictability.

    Sang Thip? (Goes to investigate further, remembering not to go to Morecambe armed only with a blanket).

    By Anonymous looby, at 10:33 AM  

  • Sorry to go on, but those legal highs appear to be worming tablets.
    "Piperazine citrate is the main ingredient in most over-the-counter pet de-wormers."

    By Anonymous looby, at 10:50 AM  

  • Sang Thip is great stuff, in a hitting-yourself-with-a-claw-hammer is great when it stops way. Of course, in Thailand, all the locals think Heineken and Johnnie Walker are classy bevvies, while the backpackers try to be terribly authentic with ST and Beer Chang (aka Everton lager).

    Have you never smoked banana skins, Spin?

    By Blogger Tim Footman, at 11:23 AM  

  • You forgot roofies …

    Oh, yeah … you DID forget, didn't you?

    By Blogger dive, at 11:33 AM  

  • I have peach brandy on my cornflakes. Much nicer than coke.

    By Blogger Billy, at 12:03 PM  

  • Well, at least I know I'm clear of worms too.

    Banana skins - um no - I'm not that daft.

    Roofies - is that rohypnol the 'date-rape drug'? Something like 99.99999% who reckon they've had their drinks spiked turned out to be just pissed.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 12:19 PM  

  • "Sorry to go on, but those legal highs appear to be worming tablets."

    That's fine then - who wants worms, anyway?

    By Blogger Loganoc, at 12:19 PM  

  • Actually, we used to do that hyperventilation thing - just minus the chest-pumping or the wall, but you had to have a circle of girls standing round the one doing the breating, so they could catch her when she got up. Quite sinister in a way...

    By Blogger Loganoc, at 1:53 PM  

  • I've not tried heroin, but have tried opium a few times. Not just the best drug I've ever taken, quite possibly the best I've ever felt. Like stepping into a warm bath from the cold, and sustaining that bliss for a long time. Beautiful.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:50 PM  

  • Worming tablets: I know, but when you go out for a mad night out, you're usually hoping for something better than the knowledge that you're free of tapeworms.

    Opium...oooh! One thing I've always wanted to try.

    By Anonymous looby, at 3:36 PM  

  • i agree; i got nothing whatsoever out of cocaine, which didn't prevent me from trying it a vast number of times just to make sure.
    if someone would market the stuff i would live out the rest of my days ripped senseless on sodium pentathol. the absolute best high i've ever had. except for the ensuing surgical procedures, of course.

    By Blogger First Nations, at 5:23 PM  

  • ...apology over at my place.
    mea culpa. mea maxima culpa.

    By Blogger First Nations, at 5:41 PM  

  • Entonox. Marvellous stuff. I could see dead people (had a nice chat with my granny), giggled like mad, talked nonsense for hours. And pushed a baby out. I have no idea why they don't sell it in pubs.

    By Blogger Bex, at 7:33 PM  

  • What, you haven't tried getting high eating a full dozen poppyseed bagels? I mean, if you're going to have a toast habit...

    I might have to look into those grin pills. Alcohol does nothing but dehydrate me anymore, anyway. Tragic.

    BTW, my word verification was "gimph". One letter short of having a doctorate in sexual submission?

    By Blogger Da Nator, at 9:34 PM  

  • You didn't mention those big marker pens they used to have at school. We used to run up and down until we were breathless and then take some big sniffs. It made you feel dizzy and slightly nauseous.
    I can confirm that piperazine is indeed the active ingredient in worming tablets and as it is licensed for the treatment of threadworms in kids I doubt if it does very much.
    Entonox is great though especially when in labour.

    By Blogger realdoc, at 9:49 PM  

  • I tried Opium in India...

    It is amazing. I took it for a week. You can still function, but do so through a haze of happiness. Beautiful Sunsets and Sunrises, crying of happiness.

    I threw the rest of the squidgy chunk away and vowed never to take it again when I realised I could quite happily live in that state of mind. Try with caution.

    By Anonymous Kissing just for practice, at 9:18 AM  

  • I skin up a great spliff, which is a waste really, seems I don't smoke pot anymore. Makes me paranoid these days.

    Never heard of this hyperventilation thingy before! Must try it tonight.

    By Blogger Annie Rhiannon, at 2:40 PM  

  • I didn't try opium during my extended jaunts round L'Extreme Orient because it apparently sets a bad example to the locals and I am a sanctimonious rule-obeying old crone.

    Anyhow, sounds like all the best stuff is reserved for sick people and those giving birth. Bloody breeders.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 4:40 PM  

  • Somebody once told me how to make opium from unwashed poppy seeds, which can apparently be bought in bulk from Chinese food shops. Never got round to trying it though so it might be bollocks.

    The doped me up on morphine after having my appendix out a few years ago, that stuff was pretty cool. Really helped me to not give a fuck about having a two inch hole cut in my belly.

    By Blogger LC, at 6:22 PM  

  • I've led a fairly sheltered life.

    Mostly blow and Marmite.

    I can send you some 'shrooms if you like. They grow everywhere in these parts.

    Aparently they make you throw up as you hallucinate. Lovely.

    By Blogger garfer, at 8:55 PM  

  • Hmm, have I made too much mention of being a probation officer on my blog to start listing any drugs I may or may not have taken? Actually, I think all the illegal ones I've tried were from duff batches because pills, coke and skunk didn't do a thing for me. Maybe I should have tried them all together.

    On the legal side, I had some novocaine in my leg when I was getting it stitched up after an Incident and that was bloody great. My leg felt all floaty and lovely and happy and perfect while the rest of me felt like utter, utter shit. I think the two states may have just encouraged one other.

    By Blogger violetforthemoment, at 10:30 PM  

  • I was feeling very straight and boring till Entonox was mentioned.

    Lovely stuff, that. And you don't have to fiddle about rolling anything (they do tend to insist you're in labour though which is a slight problem)

    By Blogger Fussy Bitch, at 11:09 PM  

  • Hello Spinny - thanks for dropping by earlier and for your wee tips. Enjoying your blog. J.

    By Blogger James, at 11:31 PM  

  • I've had morphine after an operation. I don't recall either enjoying it or not enjoying it.

    What about glue?

    By Blogger GreatSheElephant, at 11:37 AM  

  • From my schooldays, Coke and aspirin. Never tried it myself, but classmates went missing after swigging it.

    By Blogger DavetheF, at 3:47 PM  

  • I had a delightful time with shrooms, but I won't be doing them again.

    By Blogger Sassy Sundry, at 11:08 PM  

  • i'm sheltered. never done any of this stuff. altho i do like the smell of magic markers.

    By Blogger Chaucer's Bitch, at 11:31 AM  

  • I'd like to volunteer to be the friend who pumps you hard in the chest, please Spinny.

    (It's clearing up, honestly...)



    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 1:50 PM  

  • There's nothing worse than middle-class people droning on about 'the drugs wot I have taken'.

    By Anonymous Miffykins, at 4:47 PM  

  • miffykins - don't fucking listen then.

    tippex thinners rocked. until i fell over in maths and had to go to the nurse's room pretending i had a "headache".

    By Blogger surly girl, at 7:25 PM  

  • No-one's mentioned codeine yet. Lovely, lovely stuff. I got some when ex-girlf was prescribed it for something or other but she didn't finish the course, so I snaffled the pills. You feel so relaxed and floaty, but there's this funny little delicious buzz in your legs.

    By Blogger looby, at 11:49 PM  

  • Well said Surly.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 7:12 PM  

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