Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Everything men have been taught by me

Here is the COMPLETE, UNABRIDGED and ALPHABETICAL list of everything my two serious boyfriends over the last 15 years have learned about from me.

American Psycho*, the correct use of apostrophes, (Irish) Guinness, the Giant’s Causeway, potato bread

*The effects that this can have on an impressionable 19-year-old are astounding. He started going to the gym way more often (using the stairmaster a lot because Patrick said it was the best), went on and on about shaving his chest to show off his pecs, and started saying things in a knowledgeable way like; "You should only drink bottled water out of glass bottles; Patrick says that plastic bottles taint the flavour of the water."


  • The thing is, men refuse to admit they've been taught anything by women. They have to come around to thinking that they've acquired the knowledge by themselves, even if it isn't the case.

    Sadly, it's also impossible to teach men how to do any sort of housework, because they *know* that it's clearly beneath them. Sigh.

    By Blogger Betty, at 12:35 PM  

  • Did you mean the Giants' Causeway?

    By Blogger Murph, at 12:53 PM  

  • Did he refer to himself in the third person, or was he in love with some bloke named Patrick?

    By Blogger Chaucer's Bitch, at 1:01 PM  

  • Patrick Bateman?

    I had a similar problem with 'Fight Club.' A little bit of mysogyny adds that extra something to a relationship...

    By Anonymous Marla Singer, at 1:19 PM  

  • Nope Murph - it takes its name from the single giant, Finn MacCool, who built it. I think.

    I once said (in public) to Serious Boyfriend No. 2 that I'd taught him how to use apostrophes and he got really pissed off with me and walked off.

    I realised my mistake immediately,
    but I could hardly say 'Oh, I was getting you confused with BF No.1'.

    Housework - ah, yes, now from my experience of male flatmates and kitchen-work colleagues, boys are just as good/rubbish as girls.

    However from friends' experience it seems to be when co-habiting that men 'forget' how to clean a house.

    CB - that bf was definitely in love with himself, and possibly in a disturbing way with Bateman.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 1:54 PM  

  • I'm not sure Bateman is a very good role model. The boy gets far to tetchy about pizza and often murders prostitutes. Not really my kind of guy.

    Finn McCool on the other hand... what's the name of that other Irish hero guy? Begins with a C.

    By Blogger Billy, at 2:06 PM  

  • Is it Cuchulainn?

    By Blogger patroclus, at 2:43 PM  

  • As a man I've been taught humility, hygiene and humanity by by all my significant partners....

    C'mon, not in a MILLION years baby!

    By Anonymous admin, at 5:04 PM  

  • P - I'm impressed by that spelling. I haven't checked but it looks about right (and I've got a D in A-level Irish so I'd know).

    I've just realised I said 'single' giant. Freudian slip I wonder - well I do like tall men...

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 8:18 PM  

  • The Pogues had a song The Sick Bed of Cuchulainn, not sure if that's also a geographical feature.
    I live very near the Giant's Causeway btw. If you're in the area I'll give you a tour. You can also see the Devil's Organ and the Old Lady and The Giant's Boot as well

    By Blogger realdoc, at 9:50 PM  

  • Is the Devil's Organ a musical instrument or a body part?

    Talking of which, in Koh Samui, in the Gulf of Thailand, there are two rocks called Grandma and Grandad. They look like a cock and a fanny.

    Incidentally, Spin, did your Bateman ever show you his chainsaw? Or lecture you on the merits of Huey Lewis?

    Woo! The word verification is splnsox - what Spin wears on her feet!

    By Blogger Tim Footman, at 8:41 AM  

  • "Cuchulainn" that's the one. I'd forgotten about the Pogues song.

    By Blogger Billy, at 8:53 AM  

  • My Ex's response when he first laid eyes on the Giant's Causeway?

    'Is that it?'

    I know all about the Koh Samui rocks, but I have no idea what the other stuff Realdoc is talking about is. And my Mum's from up that way.

    Actually, talk of chainsaws has just reminded me of someone else..

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 9:50 AM  

  • Still playing your game. My list is as such:

    Al Stewart.

    Yeah, well, they already knew all about Monty Python...

    By Blogger Warrior Two, at 12:30 AM  

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