Monday, November 13, 2006

Will Self. Again.

By the time I made it across the road to the paper shop on Saturday morning they’d sold out of Grauniads, so I had to settle for an Indie.

‘Course, nowt to read there. To make matters worse, the magazine was having a ‘gadget special’ issue. Christ almighty is there anything more coma-inducing than reading about ‘gadgets’?

But never fear, there was a lovely picture of that nice Will Self chap on the front cover which has occupied my twisted, fevered little brain non-stop ever since.

In case you missed it: he is standing on a segway (ooh, I saw lots of those on holiday) with his arms outstretched in the sunshine, fag hanging out of his mouth, disdainfully amused expression on his face.


Wearing a crumpled white t-shirt, dark jeans and scuffed leather boots. Why don’t all men dress like that? Why don’t all men look like that?

His armspan…it’s just massive.

I have the suspicion that fucking Will Self would be like a session with Patrick Bateman. Up to a point; I would like to live to tell the tale. But I wouldn’t mind if I ended up bleeding, bruised and possibly crying.

(For the benefit of CB and anyone else who may be slightly puzzled yes this is what Will Self looks like. And here he is laying into 'journalist' and odious cunt extraordinaire Richard Littlejohn,)


  • Ugh. You just reminded me of that horriffic tramp scene in My Idea of Fun. Hopefully not a personal fantasy of the author.

    By Blogger Loganoc, at 1:03 PM  

  • i've never heard of Will Self, so i did a google images search. I sincerely hope we are thinking of two different people.

    By Blogger Chaucer's Bitch, at 1:24 PM  

  • Will Self *would*
    Someone had to say it.
    That interview transcript is fantastic, I wish I'd heard it.

    By Blogger realdoc, at 3:44 PM  

  • damn, realdoc beat me to it.

    I can't quite work out if you're parodying yourself or not. It seems weird to read your stuff now after all those parodies. that whole arm length thing...I was waiting for you to talk about the veins.

    PS: will self looks like ronan bennett. Is he a *would*?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:00 PM  

  • *would*

    And I loved that argument, thanks Spin, although it didn't seem to go anywhere much. But all the stuff about Tolstoy is brilliant.

    By Blogger patroclus, at 5:05 PM  

  • Will Self and Patrick Bateman...I'd do them both.

    By Blogger Lardy Big Bot, at 6:30 PM  

  • Anon - tragically all those parodies were pretty much spot on. I really am that tragic.

    Self doesn't have that much veinage going on but I'll let him away with that one.

    I had to google that Ronan chap - he's a bit good looking for teh likes of me - like a better-looking Will Self, indeed.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 8:18 PM  

  • Admittedly giving Littlejohn a kicking is an attractive character trait but does it really get the Self publicist a *would*?

    By Blogger toomuchgrief, at 10:33 PM  

  • Will Self is incredibly sexy. I definitely would.

    By Blogger Timorous Beastie, at 12:54 AM  

  • Our friends' kids went to the same primary school as Will Self's. They said he was cool and gorgeous even at PTA stuff.
    I heart him, too. He is a legend!

    By Blogger Alias Lucy Diamond, at 9:44 AM  

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