Tuesday, October 24, 2006

The Hen Do – Saturday Night

Somewhere in, oh, the fourth circle of hell, there’s bound to be a Carwash club.

Is there anything more dispiriting than a nightclub filled with out-of-towners in seventies fancy-fucking-dress shimmying self-consciously to Blame it on the Boogie? Not my cup of char, as you can probably imagine.

When I go to London I usually find myself walking down the street thinking *would* *would* *would*. Not at Carwash.

But at 2am, thing started to look up. I was on the dancefloor (resplendent in my Margo Leadbetter frock with my hair all straightened and tonnes of blue eye-shadow) when I spotted him.

He was on the mezzanine floor with a couple of friends, casting his eye over the dancefloor. He wasn’t in fancy-dress, and with his dark shirt, dark hair and dark-framed glasses, he was the fittest bloke in there.

It was getting close to going home time so my friends and I went back to our ‘VIP Area’ to regroup, when hot speccy guy and one of his friends appeared the other side of the rope. He gestured me towards him.

“I was about to ask you to dance,” he said. I told him that our limousines were en route to take us back to our hotel.

“What are you doing here?” I asked. He didn’t look like he was on a ‘do’, which is the only possible explanation for being there. But one of his friends knew the owner and was having a birthday – free entry and free drink he explained. Fair enough. His friend disappeared.

“So come and dance then,” he said. I hesitated. I looked at my watch; it was almost twenty-five past. .

“OK,” I said, “I’ve got six minutes.”

He took both my hands as he led me onto the dancefloor. “Just follow me,” he said. So we danced for a couple of songs – him confidently, me awkwardly. He said something about five minutes. I looked at my watch; it was almost half-past.

“You’ve got thirty seconds,” I said, looking him straight in the eye. So he kissed me.

A nice bit of low-level lip-biting as well as the usual just-giving-you-a-hint-what-I can-do-with-my-tongue-action.

But I had to go. There then followed a bit of a faff - he didn’t have his phone on him, so he went off to try and borrow a phone off a friend to take my number, but couldn’t find any of them, then I really had to go as the last of the girls disappeared up the stairs where the limousines waited in the street….


  • Aargh! The One That Got Away! Argh!

    By Blogger Chaucer's Bitch, at 8:40 PM  

  • Phew that was close. Could have been the real thing. Mind you if he was really serious he would have carved your number on his arm with a blunt chopstick.

    By Blogger dh, at 9:30 PM  

  • Oh what! I was right with you there Spin.

    But I have to agree with Dick - there are always ways and means of sorting a number out wherever, whatever. Top marks for the Margot Leadbetter look by the way - brilliant!

    Thinking about it I probably would have been much more of a harlot and carried on snogging and left my friends to wander off just in case.

    By Blogger rockmother, at 9:55 PM  

  • >>>When I go to London I usually find myself walking down the street thinking *would* *would* *would*.

    Me too, and I live here.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:24 PM  

  • That was me, forgot to log in.

    (God, how sad am I, I couldn't stand for even one half arsed witticism to go uncredited...)

    By Blogger LC, at 10:26 PM  

  • Spin, you like keeping these stories half-told, don't you? And saving the best for when people are least expecting it?!

    I'm expecting the best bit is still to come...

    Don't tell us it was Swipe?

    By Blogger the whales, at 11:19 PM  

  • Gah! I have to agree with Ro-mo's potential harlot-ry.

    Oh and Margot Leadbetter? *would*

    By Blogger Billy, at 11:33 PM  

  • I often play that game on the tube most days - I look up from my book and check out the blokes and ask myself if I had to shag one of them, had to - no getting out of it - which one would it be. Yesterday I did that and I just couldn't bring myself to chose one they were all exceedingly rubbish. They probably thought the same about me. I did make myself chose one and convinced myself that as long as he put a bag over his head it would be ok.

    By Blogger rockmother, at 12:03 AM  

  • Sigh ... my The One That Got Away looked like Richard Gere ... we were getting on really well, and ... still, that's all in the long distant past ...

    Anyway, a long distance relationship would've required a lot of effort on both parts (says she who carried out a London-West Midlands relationship for a year and a half before moving down to the Smoke).

    Incidentally, the daily blog in the London Lite (which I recently slagged off) yesterday featured a single woman who was talking about the recent antics at a hen do she was at. Yikes! Not part of your gang, was she?

    By Blogger Betty, at 10:49 AM  

  • Good God woman. Did you have to use the limo? Couldn't you have followed in a taxi later? Just how committed are you?

    By Blogger GreatSheElephant, at 1:22 PM  

  • Have to agree with the majority of posts here. If either of you were keen anough then you would have found a way to swap numbers or arrange to meet again or gone on somewhere else together or any number of other things.

    By Anonymous Scarlette O'Harlot, at 4:01 PM  

  • "Don't tell us it was Swipe?"

    Impossible, Whalester.

    I don't have a car.

    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 4:14 PM  

  • oh good gravy marie, spin, it's like a flyfishing magazine, your life!
    'the one that got away! it was THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS big!'
    so frustrating!

    By Blogger First Nations, at 4:54 PM  

  • Och, I'm kind of glad he got away.

    I mean, what would have been the point of exchanging numbers, what with a three-hour bus journey separating us.

    And I'm sure it wouldn't have taken too long for a string of unforgiveable faults to emerge.

    Still, it was a very pleasurable six minutes.

    Frankly, I'm just mightily relieved that I'm still capable of it. (Whatever 'it' is...)

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 5:36 PM  

  • I second CB aaaarrrrgggghhh
    and GSE what the fuck is wrong with a taxi?

    word ver=swudjzb *would* with drink taken

    By Blogger realdoc, at 7:09 PM  

  • Mmm, I don't think GSE was saying there was anything wrong with taxis, Realdoc.

    My understanding of the comment is that I should have let the rest of the girls go home in teh limos, while I get a cab back by myself after I'd spent some more time with Mr-trendy-glasses.

    Of course, given my appalling levels of poverty that was never going to be an option.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 8:18 PM  

  • He would probably have turned out to be a wet blanket (I was going to say 'massive wanker', but then I remembered Spin's predilection for massive wankers) anyway.

    By Blogger patroclus, at 8:49 PM  

  • Hmm...massive wanker...wet blanket...

    Unpleasant mental imagery.

    By Blogger patroclus, at 8:50 PM  

  • urgh

    I've just been asked out and I said no. I'm so proud.

    By Blogger GreatSheElephant, at 8:57 PM  

  • Oo, gossip!!! Asked out by whom?

    By Blogger patroclus, at 9:10 PM  

  • he who thinks I need therapy

    By Blogger GreatSheElephant, at 9:33 PM  

  • 'You need therapy.'

    Lets look at that again GSE. It could be the kids-in-the-playground thing of being nasty to someone you like.

    Or just a bit lighthearted.

    He can't have been altogether serious, otherwise he wouldn't have asked you out...

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 9:36 PM  

  • The thing that actually really hacked me off was the expression on his face when he said it - absolute disgust. He does not appear to have much of a sense of humour. NEXT.

    By Blogger GreatSheElephant, at 10:04 PM  

  • Fair enough GSE.

    NEXT! is right.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 10:17 PM  

  • noooooooooooooooooooooo!!

    By Blogger Urban Chick, at 6:08 PM  

  • Nowadays to hire limousine becomes easier and cheaper.
    You should just follow some tips about limousine London :
    • Always compare prices in relation with the expected service.
    • Always check out the year (2-3 years old are the best), make and model of the cars.
    • Do not be tricked by the price of the advertisements, as many companies hide extra prices.
    • The most simple and standardized limousine service will have the limo, driver and beverages.
    • When it comes to the driver, make sure that the service provider will provide a uniformed driver with proper license and experience.
    • Did you know that many companies operate without insurance? Ask for details about insurance of the limousine you have interest in hiring.
    • Always read the Limousine hire terms and conditions of the companies, so you don't have unpleasant surprises.

    By Blogger Misha, at 3:42 PM  

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