Monday, August 14, 2006

Spinsterella's Weekend

Old-school blogging is BACK (according to the Bettster)!

So, in diary style, like what people who don’t blog think what blogging is all about, here is what I did at the weekend.

Friday night
Went to the pub with two boys (male flatmate’s friends, really) to our local. I fancy one of the bartenders. When he serves me I get all agitated and shy and can’t look him in the eye or say "three pints please" without stammering. I don’t know what I see in him, to be honest. He’s not tall, he’s not dark, and he’s certainly not handsome. And he works in a pub. I mean, I thought I’d stopped sharking after bartenders ten years ago. Tragic.

Girl Flatmate’s Bezzie Mate From Home came to stay, along with her husband and, the horror, two teenage sons. But actually, they were lovely. I gave them all a lift to the Balloon Fiesta (two runs it took me as well) because In Real Life, I’m quite a nice person.

A friend of ours from the Midlands arrived for the afternoon along with her sister and seven-month-old baby. The horror! But actually, the baby was lovely and very smiley. Awww. Then a friend of mine showed up, slightly frazzled after having organised a big, very expensive hen-do in Bath the night before. So the whole lot of us went out for lunch, hoping rather optimistically that we’d be able to find a table big enough for all ten of us down in trendy Southville’s trendy Lounge (brunch venue of choice for Bristol's trendy thirty-somethings).

It turns out that the mother of the baby has been unwillingly celibate for even longer than me (the father having fucked off when she was pregnant) so we are now having a competition. The rules are simple: the first person to have sex wins. Not only is she a single mother, but she’s further handicapped by the fact that she is currently living with her parents in a village in the midlands. (I still won’t be putting any money on me winning that one though.)

Then I spent the evening giving my bedroom a much-needed tidy-up. Which was quite depressing. Partly because of the condom issue, but also because, once I’d chucked out all the clothes in my wardrobe that are too scruffy for even me to wear, including my entire summer wardrobe (which consists of three white vest-tops which tragically went blue-grey in the Great Colour-Run Disaster of 2006), I was left with two pairs of jeans and half-a-dozen black tops. God.

In good news though, I can still fit comfortably into my school formal dress. I may not have a husband, or any decent clothes, or any chance of a sniff in the near future, but at least I’m not fat.


  • not so bad! i spent the weekend preparing for a garage sale. tradeja.

    By Blogger First Nations, at 6:50 PM  

  • The Lounge. I remember it well from my tenure south of the Avon (or is it the Frome? I can never remember)

    Their eggs benedict are proper yummy, but going there nearly bankrupted me, I had to go shopping at Iceland.

    By Blogger Billy, at 6:53 PM  

  • see? every cloud and all that. if you find a man, get married and have a baby (not necessarily in that order) you only end up divorced with saggy boobs anyway.

    so there.

    By Blogger surly girl, at 7:13 PM  

  • i spent the weekend in bliss.


    haven't slept so much in years!

    By Blogger treespotter, at 7:44 PM  

  • What a sociable weekend - and did you say 'nice' children?
    My weekend was get up, have row with Kev, shop, watch telly , go to bed.
    What happened to fun?

    By Blogger KAZ, at 8:13 PM  

  • I did another bloody podcast - Spinny I name-checked you and Great She and Surly G and Billy and Patroclus and Dick Headley and of course The Swipe - all of you really. Other than that - lolled around and went to Marble Hill Park and had a mint choc chip icecream - gatecrashed Zero 7 in the park and spoke to the nutter that lives on a boat made out of junk.

    By Blogger rockmother, at 8:24 PM  

  • spent most of the weekend with the girl I asked advice about - no real progress to speak of yet.

    then last night came down with symptoms of malaria.

    feel like hell but still had an eleven hour work day.

    and have to go to work tomorrow for a day of intense meetings. yay.

    By Anonymous riddledwiththepox, at 8:27 PM  

  • surly - I read your comment as "you'll only end up with divorced, saggy boobs anyway" which strikes me as a much more entertaining idea.

    By Blogger frangelita, at 10:56 PM  

  • At uni being without sex was always described as 'being in the gobi'. Don't know where that came from.

    By Blogger realdoc, at 11:13 PM  

  • Gobi desert - dry spell?

    Spin - maybe if you put on a few pounds, you'd pull. Lots of blokes like something you can sink your teeth into - not lardy, but curvy. They'll wank over Kate Moss, but sleeping with her must be like trying to fuck a xylophone.

    By Blogger Tim Footman, at 5:19 AM  

  • nothing wrong with a bit of skinny

    By Blogger Kirses, at 7:23 AM  

  • "sleeping with her must be like trying to fuck a xylophone"

    That comment may or may not have caused coffee to be expelled from my nose.

    By Blogger Billy, at 8:30 AM  

  • Oh, hang on a minute, I'm not actually skinny-skinny. God no. I like eating. A lot.

    I'm a healthy curvacious-yet-slim size 12, thankee very much.

    And Billy, there are five Lounges in Brizzle these days, you know.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 9:21 AM  

  • "sleeping with her must be like trying to fuck a xylophone."

    Yes, only without the splinters, Tim.



    (....I can see it now and it *could* just work - a lonely, bored, thirty-something xylophone, left unshagged and on the shelf in a Bristolian music cupboard, patiently waiting for the man of her dreams to risk pummeling his member with shards of wood, taking her to heaven and back with one touch of his plastic tipped beater. Why of course.......it's *Splinterella*!!!!!)

    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 11:24 AM  

  • So funny. You do old-school brilliantly. You're like the Jurassic 5 of the blog world.

    By Blogger Annie Rhiannon, at 11:58 AM  

  • "And Billy, there are five Lounges in Brizzle these days, you know."

    Crikey, I know what I'm doing this Bank Holiday weekend then - a Loungecrawl.

    (Bet one of them's in Cotham. Bah)

    By Blogger Billy, at 3:51 PM  

  • I like a slim woman. I'll forgive her almost anything else if she is that. I'm a long way away though.

    By Blogger DavetheF, at 7:44 PM  

  • Where do I find these podcasts? I haven't embraced that technology yet.

    By Blogger DavetheF, at 7:48 PM  

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