Thursday, August 10, 2006

She's back!

She used to have a delightful little blog, then she fucked off and, I don't know, got a life or something (and don't you hate it when people do that, eh Wyndham?).

Then she did something very interesting and invented a whole new, er, concept called slurking*.

(She’s also directly responsible for the fact that LC isn’t a humpty, bitter auld grouch any more.)

The thing I find so fascinating about Slurker’s blogs, old and new, are that her relationship history is the direct opposite of mine. She met a boy when she was just eighteen and was with him for over a decade, until very recently – so she’s never been single. It’s a completely alien concept to me.

I’ve done everything by myself. Gone off to uni, gone travelling (several times), gone festivalling, moved round the country, started jobs, quit jobs (against the advice of everyone I know), found flatmates, bought my car, sorted out bills, dined alone, made new friends from scratch, and coped with various family crises…

I’m also (unbearably, excessively) proud of the fact that I’ve been completely financially independent since I left school.

But you know what? I think I’m getting a bit sick of it. My shoulders are straining with the weight of it all. I’m starting to think that maybe, I would like a boyfriend after all..


I think what I really need is a fling. Short and disastrous with hopeless sex. That’ll soon sort me out.

*ie: shagging lurkers (coined by our Annie).


  • I misread that as...

    "I think what I really need is a fling. Short and disastrous with hopeless sex. That’ll soon sort me out.

    ie: shagging lurkers."

    and was wondering what percentage of your male readership would either splurt their tea or give themselves a haemorrhage.

    By Blogger hen, at 11:49 PM  

  • Bob Swipe's in casualty. They're not quite sure what burst, but he won't be wearing those fawn Farah slacks again.

    By Blogger Tim Footman, at 1:49 AM  

  • i really can't recommend a short and disastrous fling with hopeless sex, if it aint quality - why bother

    By Blogger Kirses, at 8:41 AM  

  • Agree with Kirses. Flings are bound to go horribly wrong, especially if one party or another starts to take it too seriously. As the great Mel and Kim said, "boyfriend's are bawring, wait 'til the right one comes along".

    I know there seem to be a lot of sickeningly happy bloggers (and maybe peope you know?) around who have (apparently) found True Lerve at the moment and it's rubbing your nose in the dirt, but remember that the hippy happy "I'm floating on air" stage of being in love only lasts for about six months or so. Then you start to see your partner as they really are and come back down to earth.

    Believe me, there ARE a few men who like women who aren't silly airheads and actually accept you as you are. It just seems that you have to wait fucking ages to find one because there's only about one in a hundred or so on average ...

    I'll shut up now.

    By Blogger Betty, at 9:37 AM  

  • Well Spin, I can do disastrous and hopeless sex, no bother. Unfortunately, I'm six foot three (depending on the calliper selection, obviously..) so that rather rules me out of the equation, I'm afraid.

    Shame, because a brief interlude of carnal exploration with your delightfully coiffed self up against those arched corrugated awnings at Bristol Parkway would have been...well, short, disastrous and hopeless, really...

    (You haven't really got hairy hands have you...??)

    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 10:27 AM  

  • hmmm... maybe i should move back to england.

    btw, yes, LC's truly mellowed down! how disappointing.

    By Blogger treespotter, at 3:55 PM  

  • I sincerely aplogize for being one of those hippy happy bloggers who've found true lerve, really, but in my defense i did wait out 9 dark, miserable, utterly dateless years to get here.

    For fork's sake, Spin, if you're not going to jump swipe (and i think we all agree you should), at least let me hook you up with the Hairy Man. He really is a nice guy and a whole lotta fun.

    By Blogger Chaucer's Bitch, at 5:52 PM  

  • cb siad it, i did not. i'm just visiting. hello.
    *pointing emphatically in bob swipes' direction and whistling*

    By Blogger First Nations, at 7:03 PM  

  • Um.

    *struggles to find a nice way to say this*

    I've seem pics of Hairy.

    Er, not really my type.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 12:09 AM  

  • "He really is a nice guy and a whole lotta fun."

    .....the implication being that I'm not, I suppose??

    Well, frankly - I'm speechless...

    ...you randy, conniving, bogus oriental old queen - your sleeves are better than your records..
    (that was just an excuse to quote from David Bowie's Jazzin' for Blue Jean video, btw - I'm not actually very nice at all, as it goes - especially when it comes to birds (see, I don't even have the decency to call them wimmin..) I'd steet well clear if I were you Spin...(Well, you seem to be doing precisely that, so I'll shut up now....)

    Re: La-di-da Gunner Footman - Thailand's loss is Britain's gain, I suppose. Still, it would have been quite fun hearing you regular Monica Geller style reports back from the Tropics:

    "It's the humidideee!!!!!!"

    Have a good weekend Spinster - and good luck on the fella front, sweetheart.

    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 11:34 AM  

  • Slurker at 12.30pm, having been offline for 48 hours: "That's weird, three strangers have left comments on my blog."

    Slurker at 12.40pm: "Fucking hell! Spinny's done a post about me!"

    I feel almost famous. If it all goes tits-up with LC, do you think they'll let me on Celebrity Love Island?

    By Blogger Homer, at 12:57 PM  

  • I agree witb CB--the sizzling sexual tension between spinny and swipey needs to be acknowledged.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:38 PM  

  • make those reservations now, bob!!!!!
    just so you know, spin- i described you as being ony three 1/2 inches tall, covered in fine white down and a smoker of rum-soaked crooks elsewhere...
    i thought swipe would find that alluring.
    i only have your best interests at heart.

    By Blogger First Nations, at 4:37 PM  

  • Having been with Mr. Realdoc for 20 years and married for 15 I can't remember what it's like to be on my own. I have also been financially independent for most of that time but I feel people were made to need company I think we just function better that way. I still want to kill the bastard occasionally if that's any consolation.

    By Blogger realdoc, at 4:56 PM  

  • "ony three 1/2 inches tall"

    make that centimetres and I might be interested...

    As for sizzling sexual tension, don't any of you chaps *read*???
    (See, I'm so desperate to impress The Spinster that I've even taken to using her trademarked *this is how I'm going to emphasise words so that you will all be able to follow the rhythms' of my speech* technique) Isn't the whole point of the Spinny-and-Swipey-so-obviously-love-one-another but also recognise that their love can never actually be consumated because they are separated by several motorways/The Sectarian Divide/Callipers/Humps/Her Hairy Hands/La-di-da Gunner Footman/Cockrot/The Age Difference [insert your own vaguely plausible reason....] just an update of Ode on a Grecian Ern de nose jaws??? (And a little one at that... What does the Des stand for? Desperate.....etc. ad nauseum...

    Remind me: I must post up some piccys of me when I *was* a bit of a catch, just to hammer home the full extent of the tragedy to our eager readers...*

    * They were taken about 20 years ago.....Before the hump. And the callipers. And the cockrot...

    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 6:47 PM  

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