Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Quality dates quality

I stumbled upon this priceless post via Bowlerised and GSE. It's all about why she doesn't date substandard men, and I was so inspired that I've stolen it completely, er, I mean done my own version. She's not demented, she's just American, so obviously I've had to edit it for normality (Irish/British tastes).

Changes to the original are in red.

Over the past eight years (since the ex fucked off ‘travelling’) I’ve received several offers of dates and relationships from various men. I’m not looking for a new boyfriend right now but it seems I should clarify what it is I look for in a man when I am, which will hopefully stem the flow of offers from guys who really don’t have it.

I am a very high-quality woman. I know that sounds arrogant, but let’s consider the facts:

  • I’m slim (whereas loads of English women are fat munters).
  • I’m attractive (um, I would never call myself attractive. I’m borderline minging, but scrub up to borderline you-would with a bit of slap. However, I am about a million times foxier than Jackie. Have you seen her photos? Not the main one, the other casual ones. Moose!).
  • I’m relatively young (yeah, lots of other people are older than me. They lose!)
  • I’m intelligent (I have never had my IQ tested. But I’m sure it’s, like at least, a hundred).
  • I’m educated (yeah man. I went to university. Seems this is a bit speshal in the US)
  • I have my financial shit together (no debt, perfect credit history, 6+ months living expenses saved, self employed). Fuck. I would never say I have my financial shit together. I am almost broke. I live in a rented box. I have no prospects. But I pass all of Jackie’s tests. Wow!
  • I have an average libido and like having sex (sometimes).
  • Most of my interests tend to be more popular with men than women: Drinking. Indie Rock Music. Graham Greene. Pizza.

Given that self-improvement is a load of bollocks, even when "relatively young" (an important criteria for most men) drops off that list, I will be exactly the same and my overall dating market value should remain the same or even not fall too dramatically.

The above list explains why I typically would receive 50-100 (sometimes more) responses whenever I post personal ads if I was ever that desperate. This is in addition to getting hit on almost every time I go out alone if I ever went out alone. I don't. I've got friends and I'm not that desperate for attention (and all that those men know about me is that they like the way I look, they don’t even know about all the other qualities I have that make me more appealing than most other women).

So, I have a *lot* of choices of men who want to date me. Given that, of course I choose to date only the highest quality men -- men who are also fit, attractive, intelligent, educated, not complete losers, etc.

I’m attracted to men from any race and a wide age range (21 to 50 crikey, she's a bit desperate, mine's more like 32 - 40) so the pool of men who meet those requirements is quite large, which allows me to add all sorts of additional restrictions if I want -- must be atheist, must be libertarian, must not want (any) children (unless it's him outta Brakes, I'd have his), must be financially independent by which I mean not a suit or reliant on Mummie and Daddie.

Some people scoffed at the long list of requirements in
my personal ad last year. (I have never placed a personal ad. But if I did, I'm sure I'd come up with more than five paltry respondants. Loser.) If I were to put more time and effort into looking I could probably find hundreds of high-quality men who both met my standards and were interested in dating me too. I can be picky.

So, although I am not looking for a new boyfriend right now -- those are the factors that I (and many other women) keep in mind when assessing potential romantic relationships. Just having some interests in common is more than I could dare to hope for.

PS: I'm off the The Green Man now - back next week.

Update: GSE has also done a (fabulously self-deprecating and very funny) version.


  • that woman is proper, utter mental. i want to pretend to be a harvard graduate just so i can involve her in conversation and find out exactly how much one person can truly love themselves.

    such delusion in just one person. on the plus side, she makes me feel normal.

    By Blogger surly girl, at 9:31 PM  

  • eh, it's not that easy getting answers to personal ads. I never do (apart from Bob)

    By Blogger GreatSheElephant, at 11:13 PM  

  • Spin - you sound like hilarious good company and i'd date you where it not for the fact that (i) you're miles away, (ii) i'm a newbie, (iii) looks like you and Bob have something special going on. My only surprise is that when you mentioned you could still get into your 'school formal dress' he didn't respond with something lewd.

    Maybe he will yet...

    By Blogger the whales, at 11:23 PM  

  • @ GSE & the whales: *steady!*

    @ Spinster: "crikey, she's a bit desperate, mine's more like 32 - 40"

    *Cunthooks* I miss out by a year!!!!

    (p.s. where *do* they all get the idea that there's anything between us, Spin??? Has *someone* been gabbing about how scrummy I am in "meat life"?? I fecking hope not - it's a full time job dodging the GGSIFB on myspace as it is. Mind you, had you but a functioning 21st century laptop, the Bobcasts would fair melt yer heart...Shame about the rotten cock...)

    Remind me to put those piccys of "when I was kings" up....

    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 12:42 AM  

  • But err.. if you look at some of her friends in her frat pictures you can see why she has gone a bit insane.

    "I am surrounded by the ugly!! Leave me alone - I only want beautiful people to talk to me now!!"

    Could happen to even the mildly vain.

    By Blogger hen, at 12:49 AM  

  • quality, spin. nicely done.

    By Blogger Chaucer's Bitch, at 1:07 AM  

  • It is women like you who make men like me wish women like you didn't have standards.

    By Blogger Patrickulating, at 1:54 AM  

  • she says nothing about relative mental health, i notice. so as long he's socially presentable, he can be batshit crazy and she's good to go. hope she reflects back on that as the water slowly seeps in through the lid of the steamer trunk....

    By Blogger First Nations, at 4:57 AM  

  • http://jacquelinepassey.blogs.com/blog/2005/08/new_blog_photo_.html

    this is just more proof that the women is a genuine nutjob.

    and has way too much self confidence.

    lucky cow.

    By Anonymous soph, at 6:25 AM  

  • "If women like them like men like those, why don't women like me??"

    George Formby, as featured on the immortal Smiths South Bank Show, c. 1987.

    (Showing my age again.....)

    [...one feckin' year out????!!!)

    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 7:16 AM  

  • Jacqueline Mackie Paisley Passey - to name but four...

    Just started actually reading the link...




    As The Firstster says, crazy as batshit on a mad turkey twizzler....

    That said, *I probably would*....

    (Well, 86% approval rating on Hot or Not....

    *Please+ Spinster - you must tell us how *you* scored....

    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 7:23 AM  

  • Hen is right. have you seen this photo? she clearly recognises that she's about as attractive as a wet dog, and to mitigate this, she surrounds herself with the terminally ugly.


    By Anonymous riddledwiththepox, at 8:06 AM  

  • combine the three elements into one line. It's worth it. (must learn how to do hyperlinks here)




    By Anonymous riddledwiththepox, at 8:08 AM  

  • Aren't libertarians basically capitalistic anarchists?

    By Blogger Billy, at 8:35 AM  

  • I've just checked out her 'friends' pictures.


    No wonder she thinks she's a goddess surrounded by that lot.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 8:55 AM  

  • I've just read the whole of that post. Crikey. The whole thing is awful but this has to stand out as the worst bit.

    "Look in the developing world. If you’re literate with a home computer and an internet connection you are very wealthy compared to the rest of the world. Citizenship or legal permanent residency in a rich country makes you more attractive to women in poorer countries. Your value on the dating market is thus much higher there. "

    There's only one response to that: Fuck off.

    By Blogger Billy, at 9:04 AM  

  • Agree with Billy. Also on that list of advice to men who aren't (ahem) in the same league as her and would get the brush off:

    "Lower your standards and stop pursuing women who are out of your league. There are lots of fat single mothers out there who can’t find dates either."

    Mean spirited cow.

    By Blogger Betty, at 9:17 AM  

  • so she has 50-100 replies *whenever* she places an ad. Now *whenever* would indicate multiple ads. Lets say a minimum of half a dozen so thats between 300 and 600 replies. And she still hasn't met someone. You stick 20 random lunatics into the Big Brother house every year and at least three couples are formed within a couple of weeks! Do you think she takes the guns on the dates?

    Oh, and I read libertarian as librarian. Odd demand I thought.

    By Anonymous Button, at 9:20 AM  

  • I may be too old to date either of you, but I like the way you talk, (thanks for the translation.) And, how could I bang her with that broom stick up her arse?

    By Blogger Remiman, at 9:35 AM  

  • "Lower your standards and stop pursuing women who are out of your league."

    Now where have I heard *that* before??

    btw: Spin - I think you're in with the whales. He obviously doesn't know about the platonic status of our "sizzling" repartee. (If you can call my one-sided wittering repartee, that is...)

    fbtw: Elvis night at the PoW tonight - if you catch the 8:38 from Bristol Parkway, you could just about make closing time. Brace of 'buie breezers and you'll never know you're jiving with a hunchbacked cripple. I'll dedicate "Are You Lonesome Tonight?" to you Spin regardless. (Should I do the spoken word bit?)

    Nah, thought not...

    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 9:56 AM  

  • billy - you know the worst thing about it? if you move out here, you'll find lots of people who have taken her advice. It's always depressing, seeing young beautiful girls on the arm of old lecherous expats, mainly out of desperation for income security.

    broad brush, but often true.

    By Anonymous riddledwiththepox, at 10:41 AM  

  • Her biog has a tragi-comic air too. Well done, Spin!

    By Blogger Bowleserised, at 11:28 AM  

  • Oh God, amongst her many, many hobbies, she lists "amateur social work".

    Holy fuck. Why doesn't she just go that little step further and say "amateur brain surgery" or "amateur deep-space exploration".

    *Must stop reading blogs by solipsistic American Mentalists*

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 11:41 AM  

  • oh dear god. she's thinking of becoming a development economist. yes, that's exactly what we need, another American anti-Government, free-marketist (presumably free trade), libertarian economist with an inflated self-opinion to help countries achieve spectacular meltdown like the central american countries she's hoping to visit.

    By Anonymous riddledwiththepox, at 12:29 PM  

  • hmm.
    lest I come off as one of those leftie-guardian-hate-all-americans, (which I am most certainly not), I should point out that the description I gave was meant to be a description of your average USAID economist, rather than your average American development economist.

    By Anonymous riddledwiththepox, at 12:31 PM  

  • She lists one of her interests as "guns." If she asks I'm not available. Women + guns + me = FEAR!

    Just to clarify: I'm not available.

    By Blogger Wyndham, at 12:42 PM  

  • That was fantastic - nicely done Spin. The woman is clearly one rejection away from the funny farm (and in that context, the guns reference is excessively worrying...)

    By Blogger Ant, at 1:13 PM  

  • "lest I come off as one of those leftie-guardian-hate-all-americans, "

    s'OK, R with the P - I think I've got that angle covered...

    (btw - with your affliction and mine, we should maybe try a double act? Perhaps the Sexual Health people would give us a grant.....although, to do what I'm not entirely sure. We'd make a good advert for sahe sex, I suppose...)

    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 2:09 PM  

  • honestly - I wish I was a bit more like her (apart from the politics). I considered following Spinny and doing a spoof but frankly there was no way it was going to be funny so I decided to keep my self loathing to myself. Self loathing posts never get any comments so why bother.

    By Blogger GreatSheElephant, at 2:12 PM  

  • Note to those not au fait with sexual health matters:

    sahe sex is like safe sex, only even safer. In fact, it's not really sex at all. (Nor is it particularly safe, now I think of it. Still, that's swamis for you..)

    zbmwfobt? Good job that didn't come up when I was *pissed posting* (try saying that after a few...)

    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 2:12 PM  

  • Anyone who thinks of humans in terms of winner / loser boxes is up themselves. That might be a clue, there, to the loneliness.

    I mean anyone. You and me included.

    By Anonymous Sarsparilla, at 3:00 PM  

  • on the other hand, what t'fuck. Over to mine for the elephantine version (gimme 5 minutes). Sorry spin and cheers

    By Blogger GreatSheElephant, at 4:12 PM  

  • Ooo I am going to the Green Man festival. I'll be the one giving out free hot air balloons.

    By Blogger hen, at 4:12 PM  

  • You live in a rented box? We never 'ad rented boxes when I was a lad.

    By Blogger Leighton Cooke, at 4:16 PM  

  • I just posted a link to this on my blog. Synchronicity spins, may I call you spins, rather than blatent nicking of good ideas of other people's blogs, which of course I would never do. I had to put it on my blog though she is just unbelievable isn't she?

    By Blogger realdoc, at 8:42 PM  

  • I love right-wing libertarians, blissfully unaware of how stupifyingly repellent they are to the rest of the world. Let's pray for a freak firing-range accident :o

    By Anonymous lethe, at 9:23 PM  

  • Is it really sad of me to be depressed by the number of hits she gets a day?

    I mean, 500+ people a day logging on to read that?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:56 PM  

  • well, pash - i'm now feeling distraught to have added to her page view stats for the day

    what's even more entertaining is reading her list of 'interests'

    transhumanism?? hello??

    i feel mentally abused having read that stuff

    By Blogger Urban Chick, at 10:08 PM  

  • honestly - I find her quite interesting in a slightly alien fashion. Never mind ADHD - she's text book Aspergers.

    I really do find libertarians repellent though.

    By Blogger GreatSheElephant, at 11:25 PM  

  • "amateur social work"

    Translation: "Because I am so *together* all my friends come to me for advice and I spend hours listening to them whine about their pathetic inadequacies."

    My god she's got a messiah complex!

    By Blogger Chaucer's Bitch, at 12:49 PM  

  • Genius. I'm kind of awed by her self-confidence really, can you buy that over the counter at all?

    By Blogger belladona, at 7:17 PM  

  • How about 'blind, alcoholic, amputee seeks sympathy fuck'.

    It works for me every time.

    By Blogger garfer, at 10:01 PM  

  • omg. i just read her 'about me'.

    this vapid cow is from Bellingham, Washington.

    that's the same county as me.

    jesus. you don't think shes visiting, do you? because she could be. you know thats possible.

    *posts self by doorway with baseball bat and can of RAID*

    By Blogger First Nations, at 11:24 PM  

  • the best personal ad I ever saw, on this online university dating thing (might still be there www.oxfordromance.co.uk - was hilarious) read:

    '5 foot 2, 86kg male seeks petite, vulnerable, easily manipulated and promiscuous brunette with brown eyes. Preference given to those with a history of prostitution or pornography'.

    obviously a joke, I always wondered if it ever got any responses. Personal ads in the TLS are always incredibly witty, too.

    By Anonymous riddledwiththepox, at 8:41 AM  

  • He HE HE , I actually want to jump up and down on Jacqui untill I hear bones crack.....what a twat.
    I like you additions to the original post.
    I think our Jacqui needs a bit of a beasting , I think I shall start mailing her begging for a date

    By Blogger BEAST, at 9:21 AM  

  • FIRST Nations there is no point pretending.....she is your best friend isnt she....he he he

    By Blogger BEAST, at 9:25 AM  

  • aghk- don't inflate the cunt's stats. i already feel used just having visited twice-once in curiousity, once in incredulity.

    best friend? if i was looking for someone to smash with a bat she'd be my best friend. grrrrrr.

    By Blogger First Nations, at 9:17 PM  

  • hey spinsterella ;-)

    came across this blog doing a search under the great word spinsterella ... many of us around are spinsterellas!!

    I just posted a link to this blog on the quirkyalone website forum ..... if you don't know the forum then take a look ..... and here's the URL directly to the post itself


    You'll feel at home when you link up the quirkies ;-)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:42 AM  

  • oh fuck. You've been found by the Quirkies.

    You HAVE to do a post about them.

    By Blogger GreatSheElephant, at 11:02 PM  

  • Yo, Spinsta!

    I so heart your version way more than Jackie's. Yeah, I abused my brain by reading her crap, and then I looked at the pictures. My brain hates me now.

    Interesting that she goes out alone, eh? I wonder what's causing her lack of friends ;)

    I love the comments here too! too funny!

    By Blogger little sister, at 3:48 AM  

  • When I read that Jacqueline Passey post, my first thought was, is this woman insane? But judging by the comments beneath her What I want in a man list, no one shared my views, until I came here.

    I mean, why does she go out alone and place personal ads if she doesn't want to be 1. hit on 2. get millions of emails from creeps? Mysterious.

    Love your version though.

    By Anonymous emma, at 8:25 PM  

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