Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Ex Story # 11

I’m in Casualty at 5am. Tears are streaming down my face as I’m asked a series of inane questions about next-of-kin and my middle name while I'm in more pain than I had ever imagined was possible. Meanwhile, less than a mile away, The Ex slumbers on peacefully.



I have Palindromic Rheumatoid Arthritis. (It’s not as bad as it sounds, it’s basically a precurser to proper RA, (which I have a 2/3+ chance of getting at some point.) But it might just disappear. Here’s hoping, eh?) But back then, before I was diagnosed properly and acquired the valuable ‘arthritis’ tag, I was just someone who moaned about having sore knees/hips/wrists all the bloody time.

But this time was bad.

I was working in a trendy theatre bar/bistro. Except it wasn’t as glamorous as it sounds. Boys got to work on the bar chatting up struggling, needy, desperate-for-attention wannabe-actresses while the girls were banished to the kitchen. I spent a lot of time on the dishwasher. Working on a dishwasher, as I’m sure you all know, involves lifting a bloody great heavy piece of metal equipment every thirty seconds. My shoulder started to hurt, but being the conscientious little hardworking paddy that I am, I stoically bore the pain.

But after work, it continued to worsen. I got out of bed, threw on one of my boyfriend’s shirts and tried to watch some telly, anything to take my mind off. It didn’t work; I went back to bed. But the pain soon got so bad that I knew I couldn’t wait until nine in the morning to go to the doctor. It really was that bad. (In fact, I actually threw up in the hospital because of the pain – I hadn’t realised that that was possible.)

The Ex didn’t come with me to the hospital.

He didn’t even get out of bed.

In fact, shortly before I ventured out onto the streets alone at dawn to grab a black cab, he said:

"For fuck’s sake, will you just get up, so at least one of us can get some sleep."


  • was he aethereally beautiful, platinum blonde and bone psychotic? because that is my ex husband.
    i swear to god that is my ex husband. no kidding, can the same personality exist on two different continents at the same time?
    geeze, spin. i really, really hope this guy gets a flaming herpes right on the end of his...um, end.

    By Blogger First Nations, at 9:40 PM  

  • Er. yes.

    (Apart from the platinum bit.)

    In my defense, I was young and stupidly and hopelessly in love.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 11:40 PM  

  • "I spent a lot of time on the dishwasher....."

    A sentence that promised SO much...all that was missing was the bit about being smeared in fek blood.

    Let me take you away from all this Spinster. With your gift of the gab and lustrous curly mane and my quarter of a million pounds inheritence we could clean up at the Bournemouth International Centre over the summer season performing our Paul Nicholas Sings the Songs of Leo Sayer & the Undertones tribute act...We'd find a nice little retirement home on the south coast once your wrists got too brittle to do the pretending there's a pane of glass in front of you mime during "I won't let the show go on". Whaddaya say?

    You are wasted on the metrosexual male Spin. But then again, so am I....

    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 11:47 PM  

  • he should get togther with the sort-of-ex of mine who, when he had the flu, cheerfully let me
    -sit up with him at night keeping cold compresses on his head and neck
    -clean the vomit out of his sheets and pyjamas
    -help him get down the hall to the loo. every 10 minutes for 3 days.
    -rent him videos to keep him entertained while bedridden
    but when i got the flu the following week (probably from him) he wouldn't even set foot in my room because, as he put it, "i might get sick."

    i think they should all be put in a burlap sack and drowned. glad you finally gave 'im the boot. i hope you left a permenant mark on his ass.

    By Blogger Chaucer's Bitch, at 11:58 PM  

  • cb - I like to think that the pain of living a life Without Me is enough of a punishment for the fucker.

    ..and Bob, the wrists are that weak already. Sorry.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 12:10 AM  

  • Can you explain the palindromic bit? Last time I looked, "arthritis" spelled backwards was "sitirhtra".

    By Blogger Tim Footman, at 6:21 AM  

  • "Can you explain the palindromic bit? "

    No Tim, you're thinking of the other palindrome. This is the Palindrome - note the capitalisaion...

    It's the latest Beeb money spinner - a huge dirigible on the banks of the Thames where you can go around the world in eighty days, from pole to pole or visit the Sahara or the Himalyas. Great Ripping Yarns to be had and there's even a room where you can grab a bit of the Missionary....(be careful with the Spinster's wrists, mind - none of your Bangkok bondage or she won't be able to type....although, now I think of it....) Does it affect teh ankles too, Spin?

    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 10:05 AM  

  • Can't help but feel you must be making this up. Do people like this really exist? if they do, why do they have girl/boyfriends while I remain unwillingly single?

    also advice, anyone - if you're madly in love with a friend who has just (a couple of days ago) broken up with her boyfriend and you're not sure that they reciprocate, how do you find out? is there any way short of a declaration of undying love? thing to avoid is awkwardness as you really like this person and don't want to lose her as a friend. it's a very small city, too.

    to complicate matters, we're only going to be in the same country for seven months more. if things do work out one of us (most likely me) will have to jack the job in and move countries.

    sorry for hijacking spin, I can't ask on my blog - no-one reads it except her.

    By Anonymous riddledwiththepox, at 11:02 AM  

  • oh, btw, don't really think you're making it up. just can't quite believe what a steaming shite of a boyfriend you had.

    By Anonymous riddledwiththepox, at 11:04 AM  

  • Riddled, I'm probably not the best person to be giving advice, but I'd avoid the phrase 'madly in love' at all costs.

    Get her pissed and tell her that you like her.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 11:23 AM  

  • Riddled - maybe give her a bit of time to get over the other fella? Or else you'll pour your heart out and she'll just feel under lots of pressure and (a) cry, (b) get really annoyed with you.

    Spin – even if it all happened years ago, I think you would still be justified in kneecapping him now.

    By Blogger Bowleserised, at 11:46 AM  

  • "I'm probably not the best person to be giving advice..."

    Classy broad, ain't she? Delivered dry, without so much as a snort of derision...Someone out there sign her up so we can all get an autographed copy of the book, please...

    I'd give up on the other one, R with the P and make a play for The Spinster. As she will probably be the first to admit, she's desperate and is certainly overly qualified in the availability dept. You may find that your (er hem) condition counts against you though. Mine did. Although, I can't be entirely sure it was the grarled member and not the hump, calliper or Arsenal season ticket that put the Bristols from Bristol off me in the end. Or it may have been the stalking, now I think of it...

    She's right though (as always) - it's too soon after the fact with the other one. Does she have any friends you could get blotto and then mine for the lowdown? Or shag them, if they're amenable - treat 'em mean etc...I'm sure you'll work it out in the end...

    wrod vref: ouhbxvd. How apt is that??

    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 11:56 AM  

  • Spinny, that right there is the perfect reason to be single. The sad thing is that they never appear to be that sort of person when you first meet them, it creeps up on you and bites you on th ass later.
    Riddled - yes, you have to give her a little time though possibly not too much - you want to catch her just at the point where she's stopped crying and starts to look around her - be there, having been unspeakably wonderful throughout her difficult time. Though possibly not too wonderful or she'll think of you as an honorary girl.

    By Blogger belladona, at 12:20 PM  

  • hmm. yes. 'madly in love' types better than it reads or hears, so I'll definitely keep it under wraps.

    sound advice. getting her pissed sounds good. might give it a little while though. like a week. time constraints, you see.

    By Anonymous riddledwiththepox, at 12:24 PM  

  • what a bloody great bloke - i bet you miss him lots...

    By Blogger Kirses, at 3:27 PM  

  • Was this the same one who chatted up the trany in the night club? Or am I thinking of someone else..

    By Blogger hen, at 12:51 AM  

  • Yup.

    All Ex Stories are the same bloke.

    Sad, eh?

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 7:19 AM  

  • Actually, your story made me feel rather depressed. How can people be that horrid? 12 years ago I had a similar incident with Satan (my ex-boyfriend). Unfortunately,I suffered a miscarriage and he dealt with it by leaving me on the sofa for a week once we got back from the hospital and then went to the pub each night after work as in his words 'he couldn't deal with it and was actually slightly relieved'. I did eventually pack him. Needless to say he is now trapped in an unhappy marriage with the Gallic weasel-student he had an affair with while we were still living together. Hah! Me - lucky escape! And you too from the sounds of it Spinny!

    By Blogger rockmother, at 8:40 AM  

  • R w' da P: Gather ye rosebuds, dude. There's nothing wrong with a spot of pragmatism, but I've lately been converted to the Caution-to-Wind camp of romantic tactics. A profession of love from a friend she trusts might be just the thing to get her over her present heartbreak, and in 7 months, who knows? Worst case scenario, you've got 7 mos worth of great mems. best case, one of you decides that the other is more important than geography!

    By Blogger Chaucer's Bitch, at 5:51 PM  

  • FUcking hell RoMo - yours sounds considerably worse than mine!

    And Riddles - I think the consensus is give her a week or two, then go for it.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 8:04 PM  

  • Not really - same crap behaviour just different Twat! That's why we call him Satan. In a way it WAS sort of a lucky escape as if we had had a child together (and he definately still would have gone off with Gallic Weasel Student) then I'd still have to talk to him for the main remainder of my life which would have been a right royal pain in the arse! x

    By Blogger rockmother, at 8:20 PM  

  • Spin - that story is really depressing. I hope you are ok. That brought back memories of when I was sicking up blood and my boyfriend said 'I'm trying to sleep, shut up!'

    So, I sympathise with you. And RoMo...that is such a terrible story. Why are people so horrible sometimes?

    By Blogger Molly Bloom, at 8:36 PM  

  • What a heartless thing to say. I'm glad there's an ex- prefix now.

    Fiddling with Pox - include a url and we;ll read it!

    By Blogger looby, at 8:32 PM  

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