Sunday, May 21, 2006

I don't even know what it's called but I don't bloody like it

I can't believe I did an entire post about facial hair a while back without mentioning the most peculiar and puzzling beardy-type-thing of them all.

It's that one which is nothing more than a bit of tuft just under the botton lip. A centimetre square at most, with no other goatee stuff around.

What is all that about?

And what's it called anyhow?

And more importantly, why on earth is it so popular amongst men I like?

A young man I had a fantastically enjoyable fling with a few years ago sported one of them. He referred to it as a 'clit tickler' (which it wasn't), and refused to get rid of it no matter how much I complained. It was also worn by a guy I met last year who I fancied so much that I could barely speak to him. But I hadn't seen any of those random tufts for quite a while, so thought that they had faded into obscurity.

Then, on Thursday evening my friend R and I went to the Affordable Art Fair preview. We'd acquired a couple of press passes for the event and were enjoying the free wine in the sort of frenzied manner you might expect from a couple of people who aren't all that accustomed to freebies.

Now, the thing with these art previews is that they are mostly attended by proper art collectors. Many of the exhibitors were therefore confusing R and I with people who might actually be interested in buying something. (Even R, who has a proper job and everything, doesn't consider £3,000 to be 'affordable'.) I'd just spent about twenty minutes failing to extricate myself from one particularly garrulous gallery guy after innocently admiring a couple of paintings, when the artist in question showed up.


He was just perfect. Dark hair and dark eyes and glasses and thirty-something and very, very lean. And an artist as well. (Those of you unfortunate enough to have been putting up with these witterings for some time will be aware that that's exactly the sort of man I like.)

But he had one of those stupid tufty beard things going on. Why?

Half-a-dozen glasses of tea-time vino had ensured I was not at my most charming. I seem to remember him laughing at my jokes, but now that I think about it, it was more of a nervous get-this-idiot-away-from-me sort of laughter.

Never mind, eh?


  • chin spot! s'wot i call em. most appropriate too.

    By Blogger MinCat, at 6:14 PM  

  • Also known as a 'soul patch'. Don't know why.

    By Blogger james henry, at 7:55 PM  

  • I know a bloke who called it his lucky worm!!!

    By Blogger Birdie, at 8:04 PM  

  • It's popular among young men because we think it makes us look "cool". I've got no idea what it's called though.

    I used to sport one. It's gone now.

    By Blogger Steve, at 9:17 PM  

  • "soul patch"????


    my gbf used to have one - we called it his minge.

    By Blogger surly girl, at 9:38 PM  

  • Look, if women can make odd shapes out of their hairy bits, men should be able to do the same.

    Call it a goatee gone a tad Brazilian.

    By Blogger Tim Footman, at 3:28 AM  

  • I thought a soul patch was a goatee without the moustache. The tuft under the lip is ever more minimalist, begging the question, why not finish off shaving?

    By Blogger Billy, at 8:56 AM  

  • Hmph.

    Have googled and it appears that 'soul patch' has the support of wikipedia. And:

    "The soul patch is also known as an Attilio, royale, scruff, impériale, blues beard, liptee, cookie duster, womb-broom, zif, ball-tickler, taint-brush, cadillac, mouche (which is French for fly), mosca (which is Spanish for fly), or flavor-saver."

    ALL of which are really stupid.

    For the record, I am equally disapproving of women making odd shapes out of their hairy bits.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 9:07 AM  

  • "The soul patch is also known as an Attilio, royale, scruff, impériale, blues beard, liptee, cookie duster, womb-broom, zif, ball-tickler, taint-brush, cadillac, mouche (which is French for fly), mosca (which is Spanish for fly), or flavor-saver."

    OMG! All of those names make me want to retch, particularly womb-broom.

    By Blogger Bex, at 12:46 PM  

  • My largest problem with beards (this is impressive, since I have existing large problems to do with aesthetics and the dreadful pokey tickling sensation) is their tendency to become ever-so-slightly ponky unless shampooed with vigour at least once a day. The final nail in my ex's coffin was the sudden appearance of a goatee, which, he said, made him look like The Master. It didn't. He was fat.

    This ponkyness must, it seems to me, be an even worse problem with the soul patch, which is *further from the nose* than most facial hair. I wonder whether Hitler kept his tache compact and nose-sized in order to be sure that it always smelled pleasant?

    By Blogger Liz, at 12:58 PM  

  • beards. rinse 'em with cider vinegar once a week in the shower and they stay nice and soft, not bristly, so there's no excuse.

    soul patch. looks like you missed a spot mowing the lawn, stupid little tufty thing with no context in the middle of a nice, shorn chin.

    one or the other, all or nothing. none of this job half done crap.

    By Blogger Chaucer's Bitch, at 1:41 PM  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:57 PM  

  • Meh. I think their correct name is 'shit'. Could be wrong though.
    Sorry about the deleted comment.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:58 PM  

  • thats called a soul patch. miles davis had one...it was popularized among the jazz-blues-progressive folks in the 50's.

    By Blogger First Nations, at 8:10 PM  

  • Good God - in the mind-blanking horror induced by having to think about the boyfriend with the goatee, I completely forgot about the (brief) boyfriend who grew a soulpatch for a few weeks because he'd got a horrid cyst on the bit under his lip.

    This is probably a bit like girls colouring zits in with eye pencil and pretending they're Cindy Crawford-type beauty spots, but somehow it's about 400% more revolting. And yes, it ponged.

    By Blogger Liz, at 10:55 PM  

  • clit-tickler LOL

    i don't keep mine either. actually, i can't stand facial hair. tickler or not.

    By Blogger treespotter, at 2:37 AM  

  • Mouth muff?

    By Blogger Kellycat, at 7:21 AM  

  • Dunno, but it's gross.
    My guitar teacher's completely bald except for this huge beard. Makes me laugh.
    Ever heard of a pubtache? It's when little boys can only manage a very small amount of hair dotted on their top lip and it looks like they've cut off their pubic hairs and attached them to their lip.
    For fuck's sake shave!

    By Blogger No Shit Sherlock, at 9:03 AM  

  • I used to go out with someone that called it their clit-tickler.

    By Blogger rockmother, at 10:23 AM  

  • OMG Rockmother do you think we've gone out with the same bloke?

    He wasn't a short, bald, built-like-a-brick-shithouse extraordinarily well-hung tree-surgeon, was he?

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 10:33 AM  

  • I was sitting next to someone with one of those at a work do recently - an advertising exec. He had let it grow to about 3cm long and it curled over to the left. It was revolting.

    By Blogger shoppersaurus rex, at 8:24 PM  

  • Ha! my other half occasionally leaves this patch unshaved and I think it looks ridiculous. So, now I can show him this and he will have to slink away, embarrassed, towards a razor.

    By Blogger frangelita, at 10:53 AM  

  • Spinny - no! Goodness you had me going there for a moment. No - mine was an Afghan jazz musician c.1982. I've been thinking about this and I may be wrong but I've come across alot of Aussie blokes with 'that' sort of beard. For LC - 'what's that about?!'

    By Blogger rockmother, at 12:12 PM  

  • "He wasn't a short, bald, built-like-a-brick-shithouse extraordinarily well-hung tree-surgeon, was he?"

    I distinctly recall Rockmother going out with just such a type in our wild college days...erm, sorry, I'm actually getting confused. She used to LIVE in a short, bald brick shithouse. I could've sworn it had a goatee, mark you...

    Time for my medication and a quick goatee trim - well, what with Ma Swipe's five day grown-out Roy Keane-style Brazilian it's like two bits of velcro going at it hammer and tongs otherwise....And I AM on a promise....

    Love on ya,


    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 4:10 PM  

  • Bob! How could you dare show me up like that?! Harumph!

    By Blogger rockmother, at 5:28 PM  

  • RM: Excuse me - YOU admit in a public forum to having dated an Afghan bongo player in 1982 who refered to his facial muff as 'a clit tickler' - and I'M showing YOU up?

    Back to your desk or I'll tell them what his name was and REALLY show you up!

    Speak soon,


    p.s. Sorry Spinny to spoil your otherwise informative and frank comments sectio - I'm cyber stalking Rock Mother for a bet...(one I'm currently losing)

    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 10:04 AM  

  • ;-O splutter splutter yeah so? Cyberstalk me - you won't win the bet!
    Everyone knows Frank Bough is your new houseboy!

    PS: Sorry Spinny - it had to be said.

    By Blogger rockmother, at 11:16 AM  

  • Kinky Friedman (musician, author, animal rights activist turned gubernatorial candidate) (don't laugh - Texas has an impressive history of electing unlikely candidates) (wwwk.kinkyfriedman.com) has dubbed it the "white man hater." And of course, he's white, and wears one. I have to say on everyone else it looks ridiculous, but on him, it works!

    By Blogger OhNoNancy, at 12:41 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home