Friday, April 07, 2006

It never rains...

D's a friend-of-a-friend. I first met him a few years ago when I lived in sunny Berkshire. It was fairly obvious that he fancied me at first, but I assumed that he'd gone off me once he got to know me better (it tends to happen). I like him a lot, but not in that way. He and the boys I shared a house with used to joke occasionally about sleeping with me, although their jokes were mainly of the wouldn't touch her with a bargepole variety. All good clean fun.

I've been on email with him recently, and when I told him about my most recent dating disaster, he came back with the following:

"I have given the matter some thought and, given your predicament, it is just possible I could be persuaded to sleep with you.

There are conditions obviously. The circumstances have to be right. I have to be put at my ease and made to feel wanted. Attractive even. Desirable.

We could even go away somewhere if the idea isn't too weird for you. You don't have to sleep with me although that might put a dampner on your weekend. We could go to Brussells or something and see what happened.

No-one would need to know.

Let me know what you think. "

First two paragraphs - he's obviously joking. But the third... I emailed back with a cheery, "You've been drinking, haven't you?"

Then I got this:

"I didn't want to embarass you but I am serious. I find you attractive believe it or not. There's no easy way to write these things. I mean, what do you respond to? Looks? Charm? Personality defects? Money?

I suppose it seems slightly out of the blue but nothing has ever happened between us so I thought I might try and initiate something. We could spend some time together, I mean people do do it.

I've obviously weirded you out, don't worry about it. "


  • He's offering a zipless fuck. And the option to say no if you don't want to. What's not to like?

    At least he's put his cards on the table. Unlike that strange man in India.

    Nice to see you at the "men and women read different books shock horror bollocks" thread on the Grauniad, btw. Despite Prof Lisa's protestations, that was a pretty woods-bear-shit bit of pop academic wank, wasn't it?

    By Blogger Tim Footman, at 2:07 PM  

  • I'm sure I don't know. Interesting though. How long has it been since you last got some and will he pay is what I would go by. But I'm feeling a bit shagged and fagged and fashed, to paraphrase A Clockwork Orange... So don't take my word for it.

    By Blogger No Shit Sherlock, at 2:09 PM  

  • hmmm. you seem to be sending the entire male population in to a bit of spin (no pun intended).

    sounds like a much nicer chap than the old one.

    By Anonymous riddledwiththepox, at 2:36 PM  

  • Still seems a bit weird to me. Okay, you send the first mail but it takes balls of steel not to back down slightly on the second. I bet this guy has got one of those disconcerting penetrating looks, I bet he looks people in the eye a bit too long than is usual or required. Psychopath.

    Christ, I'm boring.

    By Blogger Wyndham, at 3:01 PM  

  • bless him, I actually think that's quite charming (it's been a while!)

    By Blogger Kirses, at 3:18 PM  

  • Are you going to be required to sign a contract in triplicate? Sounds extremely cold blooded...

    except that bit in the first email about feeling desired which suggests he may be taking the piss.

    By Blogger GreatSheElephant, at 3:29 PM  

  • I think he clearly is attracted to you and put in the 'feeling comfortable, desirable' in as a bit of humour. It;s obviously tongue in cheek, because he first says he "might be persuaded to" but later admits he really likes you, in which case, no persuasion needed.

    It really depends on much you like him and what you think would happen afterwards. There is certainly nothing wrong with going to brussels for a dirty weekend if you feel like it.

    By Anonymous undercovercookie, at 3:44 PM  

  • I've clearly been out of this dating lark for too long. Whatever happened to getting drunk, snogging someone, seeing them a few more times and then settling into a relationship (or not)?

    *patroclus wanders off all confused*

    By Blogger patroclus, at 4:38 PM  

  • "We could go to Brussells"

    Never trust a man who can't spell the capital of Bellgium, Spins...

    Love on ya,


    p.s. If it wasn't for the fact that I'm nothing more than the fictional outpouring of a warped, depraved (and possibly downright criminal) intelligence, I'd offer to give you a good shafting myself, Spins.

    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 4:50 PM  

  • I feel kind of sorry for him that you published his e-mail!

    Go for it Spin: from the way you talk your girl-bits might close over soon, like when you don't wear earrings for a while.

    By Anonymous Homer, at 7:32 PM  

  • Huh. It takes all sorts, no?!

    The question here isn't really whether he's keen or not (because it's blindingly obvious that he completely is) but what's wrong with drinks and dinner somewhere a little closer to home first?

    Brussels is rather a long way if it all goes tits-up and you desperately want to escape very, very quickly...

    By Blogger Hannah, at 7:36 PM  

  • That is quite creepy, but not as bad as the guy in India.

    Brussels is a nice place to visit though (!)

    By Blogger Billy, at 1:03 AM  

  • Go for it!

    And make sure you get pregnant with triplets - that way you can grab all his money too.

    Why do I never get offers of shags in the email?

    It's not fair.

    By Anonymous Piggy and Tazzy, at 8:35 AM  

  • It must have been hard for him to put his feelings out there like that but I still don't think it was appropriate. He didn't have to talk about sleeping with you. He could have just insinuated that he fancied you and that he would like to go out for a drink. Bit forward and therefore it does come across as weird.

    By Blogger afrobev, at 9:29 AM  

  • I don't find it too weird, myself. He's casually and now seriously admitted that he is interested in you in *that* way. Really, the question is: do you feel enough about him in *that* way that the prospect of going for a nice little Flemish Shag with him gives you the tingles? If so, woohoo!! Shag away. If not, well he gave you enough of an out in any case. No harm done, either way.

    By Blogger zura, at 8:21 PM  

  • *wootwootcreepalertwootwoot*
    oho, now that he doesn't have his buds around to judge, suddenly this silver-tongued devil wants a roll in the hay? nope.

    By Blogger First Nations, at 11:08 PM  

  • I like him a lot, as a friend, but I just don't fancy him at all.

    He's got a good job (barrister), but also plays in a band (creative, but not perpetually skint), is tall, and has a slightly troubled past (alcohol issues and divorce). And he's very clever and funny and entertaining. (I'm assuming that the 'Brussells' thing is a typo.)

    He also knows me well enough to know that these are all factors which would normally appeal.

    But even though it's been a long time (you'll have to go back to last summer kids, before you find any actual action on these pages), I'd rather not. Poor bloke.

    And Tim, those book lists, and the rubbish conclusions drawn, always piss me right off. They're all frigging school texts and TV/film adaptions. For the record, my top five are:

    Pat McCabe - The Butcher Boy
    Graham Greeme - The Heart of the Matter
    Ford Maddox Ford - The Good Soldier
    James Hawes - A White Merc With Fins
    Evelyn Waugh - Vile Bodies

    ..which by their reckoning makes me a man.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 8:15 AM  

  • Vile Bodies is the best book ever written. If I weren't married, Spinny, and faithful, I'd give you one on the basis of your literary taste alone.

    By Blogger Tim Footman, at 11:02 AM  

  • Nooo, Decline & Fall is wayyy better than Vile Bodies!

    Don't ask me for any comparative criticism or evaluation criteria or evidential citations or anything. It just is.

    And oohooo, Spin, that's TWO offers of hot sexual action you've had in ONE SINGLE comments thread! Blimey.

    By Blogger patroclus, at 3:29 PM  

  • evelyn waugh? yoo hoo, Brideshead Revisited? hello? what is this book list? y'all have intrigued me.

    By Blogger First Nations, at 4:49 PM  

  • Spinny and I brushed shoulders here, first nations, and I burbled inanely about it here.

    By Blogger Tim Footman, at 5:09 PM  

  • And Patroc, Vile Bodies is slightly better than the (admittedly superb) Decline and Fall because while writing VB Waugh discovered his wife (also, confusingly, called Evelyn) was intercoursing another man, and basically went bonkers and decided he hated the fictional world he'd created so much that he INVENTED A WORLD WAR TO WIPE IT OUT.

    That's like fantasy wargaming, but with spats and martinis and jazz bands.

    And first nations, Brideshead is tiresome Catholic convert poo.

    By Blogger Tim Footman, at 5:14 PM  

  • I gotta say, I think email barrister boy may be a winner. He's honest, up-front, and is actually capable of expression his emotional state in, OMG, words! (a feat of which i find most men are utterly incapable.) i'd take a second look if i were in your shoes.

    By Blogger Chaucer's Bitch, at 10:04 AM  

  • Cool.I would've suggested that you check out my favorite online dating site, webdate but since you seem to have gotten yourself a nice guy then good luck then...

    By Blogger Cassandra3383, at 8:43 AM  

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