Wednesday, April 19, 2006

The 'French' Guy

It was my Indie Rock Friend’s 30th birthday a couple of years ago. His girlfriend (a cute blonde girl) was in attendance, but otherwise it was all blokes out for the night. We wound up at a club, leaping around to the Roses and the ’Spirals and the Smiths (the club was in Manchester, as you may have guessed). I was chatting to one of my IRF’s friends, Moz and a couple of other lads when I spotted an incredibly foxy lad mooching around. He had pale skin, light green eyes, a roman nose and a dark-brown Henry V hair-cut. Maybe it was the alcohol, but we all thought he looked dead French.

"He’s after you", Moz said to me.

"Yeah, right" I replied. Incredibly fit men do not, as a rule, come anywhere near me.

"He’s loitering with intent", Moz pointed out "and there aren’t any other birds around".

I had a look round. French Bloke was definitely hovering, and true, I was the only girl in the vicinity. I had just gotten back from travelling, so I was wearing make-up, heels and Hair Product for the first time in eighteen months. I was looking (relatively) hot. Could it be that Moz was right?

He got chatting to French Bloke (who it turned out was actually from Withenshaw) and drew him into our circle. But after a few minutes Moz and the other lads scarpered, leaving me all alone with French Bloke.

I had a sudden moment of clarity. As you all know, I never pull. But for those few seconds I realised, this is how it happens! My immediate future unfolded in front of me….Me and French Bloke have a bit of a chat, then we might have a dance, then we’d have a snog. Finally, I thought, I’d figured out how to pull.

I smiled at French Bloke and moved closer. He said:

"Where’s the gorgeous blonde girl gone?"


  • Oh bad luck.

    I didn't like his haircut though.

    By Blogger james henry, at 11:15 PM  

  • very, very bad hair.

    By Blogger First Nations, at 11:30 PM  

  • oh yes! i hear you...story of my life.

    By Blogger MinCat, at 3:59 AM  

  • OMG!!! *fume!*
    Nasty nasty hair - you didn't need a twat like him!

    By Blogger Sooz, at 5:23 AM  

  • they just have no idea do they? such a rude thing to say. and male friends are always telling me someone fancies me - but are rarely right

    By Blogger Kirses, at 7:22 AM  

  • i hope you left him sans functioning kneecaps.

    By Blogger Chaucer's Bitch, at 8:41 AM  

  • You know, visiting your blog always reminds me how many men in the world are complete arseholes. Unfortunately, you seem to have met most of them.

    By Blogger Betty, at 9:20 AM  

  • I hesitate to resurrect the term of abuse "cheese-eating surrender-monkey", but this unpleasantly coiffured Frog richly deserves it. Poor Spinny!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:24 AM  

  • You *nearly* kissed somebody from Wythenshawe? Eeeaaaawwww, that's disgusting.

    Wythenshawe is considered to be a foul pikey shit-hole, even by South-Manchester standards, which is saying something.

    You'd have been better off with a real Frenchman, much as it pains me to say it.

    By Blogger LC, at 10:58 AM  

  • Roman nose - that means big nose, right?

    By Blogger Wyndham, at 11:50 AM  

  • Ouch! (Can you remember what you said back to him?)

    By Blogger Tabby Rabbit, at 2:32 PM  

  • He only got away with the haircut because he was otherwise so beautiful. Plus, seeing as EVERY other bloke in Manchester has that Ian Brown 'do, it made a nice change...

    I said in response, "Oh, you mean IRF's girlfriend, she's on the dancefloor" and shuffled back to Moz and co. Who, understandably, pissed themselves laughing at my tragic tale.

    There is a happy ending. Sort of.

    I ran into him at the Night-Bus stop at 4am, and he was absolutley wasted and was chatting away to me (clearly his standards had dropped considerably since I'd seen him last). But at least he didn't pull either.

    (And Wyndham, I like big noses. So do LOADS of women.)

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 3:20 PM  

  • Ok, the big nose - which is clearly a metaphor for something, I don't know what - I can understand.

    The trouble is, I can't get it out of my head that you like blokes who look like Blackadder The First.

    By Blogger Wyndham, at 4:48 PM  

  • I'd do Blackadder.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 8:21 PM  

  • Me too, actually.

    By Blogger patroclus, at 9:08 PM  

  • *laughs*

    *bacause I sadly know exactly that situation*

    By Anonymous Piggy and Tazzy, at 11:00 PM  

  • I'd do Baldrick!

    By Blogger Sooz, at 12:38 AM  

  • any chance of a phone number, then?

    By Anonymous baldrick, at 7:43 AM  

  • What, you'd do the first Blackadder???


    By Blogger Wyndham, at 10:10 AM  

  • I'd do Blackadder like a shot, but only in II form. Which is odd, because I usually hate beards.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:30 PM  

  • *chuckles to self*

    I do love your blog, Spinny. (And can relate to your tale, too. Boohoo. The predictable knob...)

    Bladder, though? Never!

    By Anonymous dolly, at 8:26 PM  

  • My response to that question would have been: "Oh so-and-so's girlfriend? Yes she is quite attractive now isn't she? You'd never be able to tell..." and then just walked away.

    Or: "Oh so-and-so's girlfriend? Yes she is quite attractive isn't she? Bit out of your league though isn't she?"

    Or something more physical and violent.

    By Blogger Kellycat, at 12:43 PM  

  • i'd do series 2 blackadder like a shot. which is weird, because rowan atkinson isn't normally sexy.

    By Blogger surly girl, at 6:23 PM  

  • Anyone dream of doing Mr. Bean?

    By Anonymous dolly, at 8:39 PM  

  • Atkinson isn't sexy, but Blackadder definitely is. It's the arrogance, and the sneer and the rapier wit. And yes, II is probably the best, but I'd still do III and IV as well.

    Clearly I'm not all that fussy.

    By Blogger patroclus, at 8:44 PM  

  • *returns specifically to make poor gag about liking a bit of ruff*

    By Blogger patroclus, at 9:13 PM  

  • Hehehe.

    Lord Flasheart... Now there's a fella, eh? Eh?

    By Anonymous dolly, at 9:52 PM  

  • For what it's worth, I would *so* do Miranda Richardson. Mmmmm.... Queenie...

    By Blogger LC, at 5:30 PM  

  • Blackadder - to clarify. In this order:



    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 8:26 PM  

  • I would do II. A lot of people would. Also possibly Miranda Richardson if I were drunk enough.

    By Blogger belladona, at 8:55 PM  

  • Nah... Not for me. Thanks. But that hair cut? Ew. At least he didn't tell you you were like his sister. Hell, I'd do George. I though Flashheart was an ass. Blackadder was genius. His hair sucked. But the nose sounds fun.

    By Blogger No Shit Sherlock, at 11:08 AM  

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