Saturday, March 11, 2006

More wedding blethering

I was a bit grumpy when I wrote that last post. I don’t really hate weddings, I always rather enjoy them. (Apart from the Mass bit, obviously.) But for the past few I’ve been the only single lass surrounded by couples, and even the merriest spinster can feel like a third wheel under those circumstances.

I don’t know what sort of fantastically wealthy circles you lot move in, but a free bar certainly hasn’t been a feature of any wedding I’ve ever attended. I’ve only been to about half-a-dozen (I’ve got a really small family, not typically Irish) but the standard has been your 4 bottles of wine per table-of-eight and maybe a drink on arrival. Which is fair enough, I can’t even begin to imagine how much it would cost to keep a hundred guests in ale all night.

Mind you, when my old school-friend, Smug-Married-and-Sprogged got hitched, I got a bit of a shock. She was the first of us to go, and we’d been talking about nothing but the wedding for a solid year. She’s the youngest of nine kids and he’s one of ten (!!!) so it was inevitably going to be a big do. Still, they weren’t stinting on anything – they even took the bizarre option of paying considerably more per head so they could offer a choice of meals. For some reason, they didn’t bother to do a seating plan (!!!) leading to a very undignified scramble for me and my eight friends to nab a table big enough. But there was no wine on the table. They’ll be bringing it out later, I thought, but it never arrived. It was first ever wedding in Ireland, so I didn’t want to say to all my other old school-friends "WHERE THE FUCK'S THE WINE?" Then, after the food, a waiter came around taking drinks orders. "No thanks" I said, as we’d all purchased loads of vino, when I was enlightened – the drinks for the toast were paid for by the bride’s father or something. That was it. Another thing. Bride had done rather a lot of subtle bragging over the year about how big the wedding was going to be. And yes, they did have over 200 people for the meal. But they were mainly aged aunties and dribbling grandpas, who all fucked off home as soon as the desserts had been cleared, leaving a very sparsely-populated dancefloor and no young people except us lot. Rubbish. Still a good night though, in a funny sort of way.

The ‘plus guest’ thing is a bit of a funny one too. If you’ve been going out with someone for five minutes you can bring him along, but if I decided to take one of my very good male friends, well, it just isn’t the done thing. (Weddings turn everybody into ‘you must be in a couple to justify your existence’ fascists.) My Irish friends were on at me to invite Glastonbury Guy to a wedding last Summer – I’d been shagging for a whole week by then. Mmmm, yeah, if I really wanted to scare him off.

I can sort of understand the ‘only girl/boyfriends that we’ve actually met’ rule of invitation. If you’re spending a preposterous amount of cash on one frigging day, it probably hurts to feed and water a couple people who you’ve never met before. But still, it’s a bit tight. (And if they’re the sort of people who expect their guests to spend four hundred fucking quid on the stag do, well, words fail me.)

Anyhow, that’s enough weddings. The next one I’ve got isn’t till December (and hey, I might have a boyfriend by then. Ahem.)


  • Just get one of your better-looking platonic blokey friends to pretend to be your boyfriend. So long as he doesn't expect a platonic thank-you blowie at the end of the evening.

    By Blogger Tim Footman, at 1:58 PM  

  • my little sister gets married in july. i will have wedding envy for the duration of my father's speech, and will then remember that i don't want to get tarted up like a loo roll cover to be ogled by a hundred people i've barely met.

    it'll be a free bar though. hurray!

    By Blogger surly girl, at 8:17 PM  

  • mi hija is getting married in May....I have no idea what's going on, but I've been sending her the occasional check so she has unexpected additional $$, so I hope to see plenty of alcohol ;-)

    I think tim has a good idea :)

    By Blogger little sister, at 10:44 AM  

  • just be grateful you're not LC, expected to fly off to Scotland and spend a ton of money and not allowed to bring a date. That sucks.

    years ago I was invited to a wedding and they didn't invite my husband because they didn't know him. I thought that as totally weird and made me re-evalutate THAT particular friendship.

    By Anonymous kyahgirl, at 10:07 PM  

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