Wednesday, January 11, 2006

No Jake for you

We were planning an evening of top Spinster Porn last night. Heath for flatmate and the lovely Jake for me.

But Gay Cowboy Movie was sold out so we had to go and see Big Monkey Movie instead.

Due to the uptight method the English have for seating themselves in public spaces there were plenty of lone free seats dotted throughout the theatre, but not two together. Spotting our predicament, lots of people jumped up and offered to move so flatmate and I could sit with one another.

No, of course they fucking didn't, selfish bastards. So we had to go and sit in those seats right up the front where you have to keep swivelling your head round.

Fat Jack Black and uber-dweeb Adrian Brody are not good stand-ins for Heath'n'Jake. The monkey was good though. And the giant insects. Bit too much dinosaur-ape fighting action though.


  • Somebody needs to make a movie about forbidden love between a giant monkey and a gay cowboy - something for everybody.

    By Blogger LC, at 7:03 PM  

  • How the hell did Jack Black ever become a box office draw? I reckon it's because he's an obvious nerd but seemingly very powerful with it -- nerd porn. I've had it with Peter Jackson -- halfway through the first Lord of the Rings I realised he was a giant-sized monkey spanker.

    By Anonymous Dave F, at 7:32 PM  

  • The porn version of Brokeback Mountain will probably be called Bareback Mounting. Oo-er.

    By Anonymous Dave F, at 7:35 PM  

  • I hate those seats down the front. I had to use them when I went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Fatory. There always seemed to be something funny happening over the other side of screen and everyone behind me would start laughing and I'm left going "What? What'so funny?"

    Then I missed it. Hmph.

    By Blogger Steve, at 8:00 PM  

  • I want a giant gay cowboy monkey film about the forbidden love between two giant gay cowboy monkeys.

    By Blogger hen, at 11:17 AM  

  • dave you are indeed correct. there is in fact a gay porn knock-off called "Bareback Mountain." Please don't ask me how I know this.


    caution: unless you dig gay porn, don't click the link lest you get a serious memo from The Desk of Images You Really Didn't Need In Your Head.

    By Blogger Chaucer's Bitch, at 2:58 PM  

  • Hahhaha. They were quick off the mark. My title's better though. (Thinks ...Hmm, new career ....)

    I guess King Kong will become King Dong. Too easy.

    By Anonymous Dave F, at 7:46 PM  

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