Sunday, January 29, 2006

The Contents of my Handbag

I loved Patroclus's posts about what she keeps in her handbag (because I'm a nosey auld witch) so much that I have wholeheartedly stolen the idea. Here ya go...

The bag. Cream fake-leather shoulder bag. £9. It was OK when it was new, but looking decidedly shabby now.

Pink wallet containing the usual jumble of cards, and £68:65 cash.
Umbrella – black
Gloves – black
Two diaries – because I’ve got lots of phone numbers in my 2005 one from when I lost my mobile. Both boring black work ones.
Two lipbalms. When I was at university I was buying a lipbalm when the till-lady pointed out to me that they were 3-for-2. I turned her down - I only needed one. I’ve finally reached a point in my life where I don’t think having multiple lipbalms is extravagant, but I still really don’t understand why any woman needs to have more than one belt, or handbag, or pair of shoes.
Mobile Silver and shiny. It’s a hand-me-down and I can’t operate the frigging thing.
Bottle of water – refilled from the tap
Lipstick Boots 17 (the cheap shit) in Coco Crush. I always carry lipstick, in preparation for the day when I miraculously transform into the sort of girl who ever bothers to touch her make-up up after leaving the house.
Toothbrush with clip-on toothbrush hat.
. For the front door and my 1997 Micra. My first ever car, bought in 2004 after being forced to give up armchair-eco-warriorism by Bristol’s fucking useless eye-wateringly-expensive public transport monopoly. Bastards.
Receipts from Asda. Numerous.
Notebook It was my piano book from when we had a particularly vicious teacher for a while, before my mum realised how scared my sister and I were of her. It was unearthed when my parents moved house a couple of years ago, and, being a bit of a womble, I decided to use all the blank pages at the back. I had to rip out and destroy all the pages with her comments about my lack of progress though – even twenty years later they still stung. She was a mad old spinster too.
Biros Loads of ‘em. Can never bloody find one when I want to do the crossword though.
Three ponytail bands Though I only ever tie my hair up when I’m at the gym.

(Fuck me, this is dull. Where are all the airline-tickets to Prague and Paris, and invites to exciting mid-week gigs and parties? No foreign currency, no ipod, certainly no first-class anything. What a sad old bint I am. But hang on, there’s still something left in there…)

Time Out Guide to Las Vegas Well thank fuck for that. The most boring handbag-contents ever rescued by my most recent purchase. My flatmate is having a Very Important Birthday this year, so we’ve just booked a jaunt to Las Vegas in November. Going so far are about a dozen forty-ish Scouse and Bristolian women, a few assorted husbands, and me. I can’t wait. I’m planning to re-enact Fear and Loathing, and if I come back without having gotten married to a random stranger with Elvis officiating, well, I’ll be disappointed.


  • your handbag must be huge! i'm so going to borrow this..

    By Blogger Kirses, at 3:15 PM  

  • What, no condoms? Pessimist.

    By Anonymous Dave F, at 8:12 PM  

  • sixty eight quid?? i haven't even got that in my bank account, let alone my wallet-purse-thing...

    By Blogger surly girl, at 8:16 PM  

  • Nothing beats travelling light.

    By Blogger garfer, at 11:04 PM  

  • I love your new description of Asda. Numerpus. Sounds about right....
    And I'm with Surly. With £68 in you bag you are nearly rich enough to be the richest person I (don't) know

    By Blogger the Beep, at 9:33 AM  

  • Cash - the explanation.

    Before I left my shitty job I picked up a job-lot of wine from the staff shop for a friend and he'd just given me the cash for it. Under normal circumstances I have a tab running at the canteen as I don't usually have even £1:65 on me. I considered changing it to something a bit more normal, but I wanted it to be a snapshot of that moment in time. Keeping it real y'know. Ahem.

    God, I'm a twat.

    Dave, I'm a realist - I've actually never been in a situation where I wished that I'd had condoms in my bag.

    Small bags are stupid. I just need to add a pair of knickers to mine and I would't need to come home for days....

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 1:17 PM  

  • ...and just think, its so heavy you can use it as a weapon!

    By Blogger Kyahgirl, at 4:26 PM  

  • Ponstan????

    And before you start whinnying, I did try the link you provided Spinny, but it was useless. In fact, that Webdoctor site must be run by the bloody NHS....The service is exactly the same as my bloody surgery, at any rate. You know - you wait for an age for it to load and then when it finally does, you're politely asked to leave the surgery because they don't feel it appropriate for a single man dressed up like Fern Britton to be attending an ante-natal clinic. Anyway, whatever it is, perhaps it'll help clear up your numerpus. You don't want any of that leaking into your handbag, do you?

    Love on ya,


    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 4:31 PM  

  • Right you fuckers. Typo fixed.

    Ponstan is a special magical drug for ladies who lose seven-and-a-half pints of blood every month. The reason I'm anaemic is NOT because I'm vegetarian, OK?

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 4:43 PM  

  • god, scared there for a tick

    just had to click through to find out what ponstan was and was confronted by a big banner ad for erectile dysfunction

    started to question my ability to read gender from writing on blogs and then wonder about your having handbag...but then i scrolled down


    By Blogger Urban Chick, at 1:32 PM  

  • and, as you can see, i didn't read your comments before posting mine


    By Blogger Urban Chick, at 1:32 PM  

  • I'm glad that you noted the little toothbrush hat thingy. There is nothing quite like the vision of a hair/lint/other bits of crap from the bottom of your bag- covered toothbrush to make oral hygiene not such an appealing prospect...

    By Blogger Léonie, at 10:11 AM  

  • Oooh! A fellow Bristolian! I will definitely bookmark you now!
    I love the Handbag list, I think I will do one myself soon. Although I do change my handbags quite frequently so not that much stuff accumulates in any one of them.

    By Blogger Loganoc, at 12:33 PM  

  • Seven and a half pints????

    By Blogger patroclus, at 2:48 PM  

  • Um, Patroclus, I was exaggerating for effect.

    It's only slightly less than that though, honest.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 9:19 PM  

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