Thursday, January 05, 2006

The best Lonely Hearts advert ever

"Attractive (a 7), reclusive, baby-faced, innocent 27 year-old single white male: 6', 150 lb. Chronically ineffably depressed and lonely long-haired virgin with no friends who stutters severely seeking an extremely understanding attractive to beautiful woman (18-50), to "show me the ropes" of sex. Interests include cats, writing, center city, vegetarianism and classic rock (especially Yes and The Who). Please include photo. If interested, I will of course reciprocate with my photo. No prostitutes or swingers please.

It's from the Philadelphia Inquirer, when I was working over there back in 1996, Christ Almighty that's a long time ago now. I hope he got some action in the end.


  • But he still specifies someone attractive to beautiful. Well, I suppose if you've held onto something that long you won't want to hand it over to just anybody.

    By Blogger GreatSheElephant, at 7:14 PM  

  • My guess is that this is an almost brilliant line. If he could pull it off, er, face to face, he deserved something. Oh dear, that doesn't read well. GSE, his problem may have been holding on to "it" for a long time, of course.

    By Anonymous Dave F, at 7:27 PM  

  • I'm guessing that could cause a stutter dave

    By Blogger GreatSheElephant, at 10:25 PM  

  • Alcoholic amputee seeks seeks sympathy fuck.

    By Blogger garfer, at 12:41 AM  

  • Are you sure the advert wasn't placed by Neil (Nigel Planer) in The Young Ones? Sounds remarkably like his character.

    By Blogger Who is this Dave?, at 12:22 PM  

  • I think garfer hit the nail on the head.

    By Blogger Kyahgirl, at 4:56 PM  

  • Well . . . at least the guy has no shame

    By Blogger Steve, at 11:48 PM  

  • ...well what does he expect - admitting to liking Yes???


    (Still, I suppose Tales from Topographic Oceans was OK.....)

    Love on ya,


    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 4:13 PM  

  • Yeah, he was doing so well until he mentioned his interests...

    Breaking in a socially decrepid virgin is one thing, but I'd draw the line at a prog soundtrack.

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 10:05 AM  

  • ...speaking of which Spins,

    Have you heard Paul McCartney's new bloated 27 minute long mini-rock opera about pondlife in his Sussex garden? I think 'The Prog Chorus' could be the song that gets Macca back on track, y'know...

    Love on ya,


    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 9:39 AM  

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