Sunday, November 13, 2005


Last Thursday, I dropped my knickers for an elderly bearded Asian guy with a comb-over. Yup, you've guessed it, my doctor.

Y'see, I've got this kind of lump-type thing in my groin area. Lovely. Which has been getting bigger and bigger to the point where I'm convinced you can actually see it through my trousers. And it fucking hurts.

So on Saturday night I was in a bit of a pisser anyhow as there was a bit of a big night out going on with my flatmates and various other folk, and I was on antibiotics and not drinking. Very uncharacteristic.

But things were about to get much much worse...at 9pm, in the pub, my cyst exploded. You know that bit from Aliens???

So I hobbled home. Everyone else had a Fantastic Night with lots of drunken shenannigans, inappropriate snogging and random bed and sofa sharing. Whilst this Restoration Comedy was being played out downstairs at 3 am, I was in bed, with my ear-plugs in, feeling tremendously sorry for myself.

Monday afternoon. Update. Still weeping (the cyst that is, not me), so I've taken my knickers off.

(LC, control yourself.)


  • Sorry to go all american but... Oh... My... God!

    By Blogger hen, at 7:27 PM  

  • Nice.

    By Blogger Wyndham, at 9:04 PM  

  • Ugh. Hope you're feeling better now...

    By Blogger Ant, at 10:55 PM  

  • Is it wrong of me to be feeling ever so slightly aroused by this story?


    By Blogger LC, at 12:15 AM  

  • Yes very very wrong.

    By Blogger hen, at 1:24 AM  

  • Oh god, you poor poor thing. Still, at least you've made LC happy...

    By Blogger Homer, at 9:20 AM  

  • i suspect it doesn't take much more than the words "groin" and "bed" in the same post to make lc happy. poor lamb.

    and poor you - sounds like an ouch.

    By Blogger surly girl, at 11:49 AM  

  • three words: blocked bartholin gland? (no need to reply just want to show off my medical knowledge really)

    it's fun to examine the puss though isn't it?

    isn't it??

    By Blogger Urban Chick, at 7:46 PM  

  • sorry, i meant 'pus', honesttogodidid

    By Blogger Urban Chick, at 7:46 PM  

  • Grody.

    At least it didn't explode during one of your shenanigans.

    By Blogger yezenia, at 7:01 AM  

  • Just googled "blocked bartholin gland" - thanks UC.

    Can I just point out that my lovely cyst was not in quite such an intimate place. More majora than minora.

    And it's nearly gone now thank fuck....

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 8:21 PM  

  • I remember when I was in High School, we had an Austrian exchange student stay with our family for 6 months. She learnt her English from Pulp Fiction and the like.

    She had a problem similar to yours and said to the old doctor across the road: "I've got a pimple on my cunt."

    By Blogger Ms Misanthropist, at 12:42 PM  

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