Wednesday, November 23, 2005

10 - 15 %

This is the percentage of men who are actually Any Frigging Good In The Sack.
A fairly generous estimate, by the way.

Now, that doesn't necessarily mean that virtually all men are absolutely hopeless. I'm talking about being quite good indeed. Essentially, there's a whole lot of mediocrity out there, and frankly, I think I deserve better.

To qualify as good, you only need two things really - competence and chemistry.

Competence - any man over the age of 23 who hasn't perfected at least one technique for making a woman come should be exterminated with immediate effect. Save a girl a lot of time. Christ almighty, all it takes is a bit of rhythm.

And come on boys, it doesn't require a huge amount of imagination to vary the location and positioning occasionally. I remember one guy I was seeing inviting me up to his bedroom - his flatmates were away for the weekend and we had the run of the house. Boring bastard.

Chemistry is a bit more difficult to define, but if it's there, you know all about it. That can't-stop-thinking-purely-carnal-thoughts-about-him feeling. Fireworks. Unfortunately, guys like this don't always measure up to expectations.

I've become increasingly aware recently of people who have started going out with someone they don't fancy at all, in the hope that "feelings" will develop. Please. What a load of absolute shite. If I ever become desperate enough to do this, you can shoot me too.

So, a checklist: a man I really fancy, who knows what he's doing. Who'da thought he's be such a rare and unusual creature?

Ladies - if you would like to contribute your percentages I'd be highly amused (probably)...


  • i'm going to keep quiet as i've nabbed one of the 10-15% for myself.

    that probably doesn't help. sorry. if it's any consolation i once slept with someone whose cock was so tiny that he apologised afterwards.

    By Blogger surly girl, at 12:43 PM  

  • Have to say that I'd put approximately the same figure up for women too. Generally I find that the better a girl looks, the less effort she feels she has to make. Some women seem to think that 'being pretty' and 'being good in bed' are the same thing.

    By Blogger LC, at 1:53 PM  

  • The 10% rule applies to just about everything, including the proportion of the population who should be entitled to vote.

    By Blogger garfer, at 2:18 PM  

  • Choke on that, 80-20 rule!

    I put it at a very precisely worked out 12.5%. Making Spinny's estimate spot-on.

    By Blogger patroclus, at 2:54 PM  

  • Of course, having thought about this some more (an entertainingly nostalgic bout of thinking that ensured that no work whatsoever got done), it *does* work both ways, doesn't it? As LC rightly points out.

    By Blogger patroclus, at 5:04 PM  

  • As previously discussed I am unable to comment. "High on the hill stood a lonely goat-herd"...

    By Blogger Homer, at 6:21 PM  

  • At college we (me and flatmate, Anna) had - well started - a chart (it all sounds so wrong now) that we would, er, monitor performance. (We had another chart that rated the blokes we hadn't got involved with and what they were 'worth' in terms of pints)* We tried to introduce another axis to take drunkeness into account but it all got too complicated. So much for science. I'd put it at 25% at a guestimate. Or are my standards lower??

    *We were both science students. Not that either of us have anything to do with science - probably just as well considering we couldn't plot a graph between us.

    By Blogger Tabby Rabbit, at 10:40 PM  

  • Right back at ya ladies. If you don't know how to give a blow job just ask, I am sure a very grateful man would be more than happy to explain. Don't just chomp away and hope you get it right.

    If you don't at all or only ever give a few precusory sucks then on that list of negative points about you, that *all* men you have had sex with have in their heads - next to "crap in bed" there will be a big X.

    By Blogger hen, at 10:37 AM  

  • 15%. I'm not sure the looks thing lc highlights applies to men 100% of the time. Have never slept with a woman so can't comment otherwise. Although how he thinks anyone can make an effort if they are handcuffed, blindfolded and dipped in chocolate I really don't know.

    By Blogger GreatSheElephant, at 10:40 AM  

  • Yesterday, I my hip was thrown out during pound-pound-pound egotistical sex. It hurts like hell. I may even have to see a doctor.

    By Blogger Ms Misanthropist, at 12:34 PM  

  • I haven't collected enough data to put a number on it. Carry on discussing and I'll just listen in.
    (I think I might have lucked out like surly girl)

    By Blogger Kyahgirl, at 5:09 PM  

  • p.s. I totally agree with you about 'letting the feelings grow'. Either they are there at the beginning or Not.
    You see, this is why I don't have enough data-I spent many years in one long, miserable marriage that was a sexual desert then I was single and had no sex because, well, its slim pickin's here. Then I met someone where that chemistry thing was really happening and that was it-I've been happily doing the bunny thing with him for 10 years.
    So yeah, they are out there but you're not going to trip over them.
    I suppose its true from the guy's angle too.

    By Blogger Kyahgirl, at 5:19 PM  

  • "Yesterday, I my hip was thrown out during pound-pound-pound egotistical sex. It hurts like hell. I may even have to see a doctor."

    Well, you can try a doctor Ms. M, but from my experience they tend to be pretty much "pound-pound-pound" too....

    Love on ya,


    ps: ladftt - is that some woman only acronym??

    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 5:54 PM  

  • I actually sat down and very precisely calculated the following:

    just plain bloody awful let's not do this again: 38.5%
    pretty good: 23%
    pretty damned good with great promise: 23%
    mindblowingly amazing, I think I'm going to faint: 15.5%

    I agree on the "letting chemistry grow" remark. If it's not there right off the bat, it probably never will be.

    By Blogger zura, at 10:30 PM  

  • Oh how I enjoy reading this blog and it's comments.

    By Blogger yezenia, at 7:33 AM  

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