Spinsterella

Thursday, October 27, 2005

I am totally fucking useless

A couple of weeks ago there was a fit guy on the megabus to London. Not really my type though - he was a bit too conventially good-looking. Normal haircut, normal clothes, and that twinkley blue-eyed charm which really doesn't do a whole lot for me. I like 'em scruffy.

Now there are some things you need to know about me:

1 - I have an incredibly good memory for faces.
2 - When I'm not busy having a catastrophically unsuccessful love-life, I'm also an uber-geekie indie-rock-kid.

So when I spotted Megabus Man the other night at a Brakes (extemely un-famous UK band) gig I nearly fainted - a kindred 30-something spirit. Especially since 90% of the audience were spoddy 15-year-old boys. I had to go and speak to him, I would catch him on the way back from the bar. The imaginary conversation went something like this....

Me - You like PJ Harvey and Gwen Stefani, don't you?

Him - (intrigued, and very interested) How do you know that?

Me - Well, perhaps you should turn your I-Pod down a little bit when you're on public transport...

Him - (delighted) I remember, you're the girl reading Ulysses on the Megabus!

Me - (Foxily) That's right

Him - Fantastic - we have so much in common. Lets go out on a date, eat exotic food and drink posh wine, and talk about books and music. Then we can retire to my bachelor pad and fuck like bunny-rabbits till the sun comes up....

What really happened.

I checked him out. He failed to check me out in return (possibly because I was standing behind him at the time). I ignored him for the rest of the night.
I think I need some lessons in flirting.


13 Comments:

  • I can relate to that. In my case it's shyness.

    this is not a chat-up line, btw.

    By Blogger Who is this Dave?, at 1:52 PM  

  • I can empathasise with you whole-heartedly. I was told that by moving to Toronto, I'd have guys falling over to shag me because of my accent. Ha! Bollox did they know.

    By Blogger Cleavers, at 2:11 PM  

  • Ulysses. Was it a long bus-ride or did it just seem long?

    By Blogger Wyndham, at 2:14 PM  

  • I was very concerned at this opening [there was a fit guy on the megabus to London] - for a split second I thought you were talking about the scary, round-faced, arms-strapped-to-his-side 'Megaman'that is painted on the sides of the buses...

    By Blogger Tabby Rabbit, at 9:43 PM  

  • Ah Ulysses,what a Blooming good read.

    My favourite quote? "the scrotumtightening sea"

    Brought to you by hktvk. A Russian hiccup

    By Blogger S.I.D., at 12:04 AM  

  • Next time, throw the book at him.

    That'll get him looking.

    By Blogger Lee, at 11:35 AM  

  • qwertyuiop[]dfghjkl;'#\zxcvbnm,./
    ??

    Spinny, this wrod vrecrification deal is starting to get a bit out of hand....



    Flirting? Well, honey, when I'm out as Roberta, I tend to find rolling around on the snug bar floor with my figure hugging lycra number around my armpits attracts a few frigates worth of salty sea dogs. But maybe my type require a bit less subtly than yours....??

    Keep tryin' sister!


    Love on ya,


    Bob

    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 12:25 PM  

  • You could always try dry humping his leg and see how that works. Then again, I like Bob's suggestion.

    By Blogger pissoff, at 6:41 AM  

  • Next time come out from behind him. The fantasy conversation starter would have likely worked.

    By Blogger yezenia, at 3:20 AM  

  • oh, thank you you have restored my faith. After years of a really entrenched scruufy look ("I'll distress my *own* clothing, thank you) I was being worn down by the 'why don't you dress more smartly?' brigade. Funny how being single warps your mind and turns you into a cringing people-pleaser. But I've held on like grim death and now I discover there are women out there who don't want us ohmygodI'mgettingold 30 somethings to wear 'smart' stupid clothes...

    ophiochos@gmail.com

    PS all your bands (nearly) are ones I was told I would like but were boring when I got hold of their stuff. Shame. Thought I was onto some new music there...

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:08 AM  

  • oh, yes, scruffy is much better than text-book good-looking any day.

    but I love your imaginary encounter! it resembles many of mine (until I lucked into MW, of course). Even before him, though, I'd carry on with the imaginary encounter in my head, and when the gorgeous guy gave me some WTF look, I'd just look away, like, you? with me? how much crack have you smoked?

    LMFAO @ what wyndham said!

    By Blogger little sister, at 7:14 AM  

  • I've been reading Ulysses since January. It did make me laugh out loud once - back in April I think..

    Does LMFAO mean "laughed my fucking arse off"?

    By Blogger Spinsterella, at 9:50 AM  

  • "Does LMFAO mean "laughed my fucking arse off"? "

    I always thought it was "lick my fanny Alsation, orally"

    But then, whaddooIknow? ....

    Love on ya,

    Bob
    #
    knbjfenr? I'm just not going there....

    By Blogger Robert A. Swipe, at 3:56 PM  

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