Monday, August 01, 2005


Always a good day out, a wedding - food, drink, dancing, and frocks. But I did wonder last week, when I was back home for the nuptials of an old school friend, why a strikingly gorgeous Irish girl with perfect pale skin and long, glossy jet-black hair opts for the ivory dress/orange spray-tan/solid hair-do combo.

Anyhow here's a list of things which will not be at any wedding of mine:

Priests - white dress - bridesmaids - fake tan - children - Mass - morning suits - beautician-applied slap - excessive flowers - old people - cousins - hair "up" - first dance - false nails - video - that awful 4-hour lull between the service and the food - engagement ring

But I'd keep - rings, speeches, cheesy music. And I'd revive the lost tradition of bouquet tossing. Mind you, in the unlikely event that I ever do get married it'll be so far in the distant future that the chances of there being any spinsters left to battle it out are somewhat slim.


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