Thursday, June 16, 2005

Desperate Spinsters

(not, under any circumstances, to be confused with Professional Spinsters who are very foxy ladies indeed)

We all know the fully-qualified desperate spinsters, with their inappropriate clothes and alcohol issues and subtle-as-a-sledgehammer flirting. But if you keep your eyes peeled you'll see that the rot sets in quite early....

It was a couple of years ago when I first became aware of the slightly-desperate-spinster. She was a friend of a friend, barely thirty. We got chatting about places we'd travelled to - I was surprised that she had no interest in going away again. She suddenly developed a bit of a demonic glint in her eye as she told me...

"I think it's more important when you meet that one special person to concentrate all of your energies on the relationship"

Funnily enough, that relationship didn't last and she's spent the past few years frightening off any available man within a five mile radius.

Here's how to recognise one:
  • Minimum age requirement - 30
  • Slightly more make-up than necessary. Red lipstick is a perennial favourite.
  • Hair - just that little bit too long
  • Too much jewellery (compensating for that missing band-of-gold if we're being Dr Freud)
  • Clothes - two varities here. The traditional skirt-too-short and top-too-low combination has some competition these days from a vaguely hippified new-agey sort of look.
  • Lots of hobbies - these gals are spreading their radar wide as possible
  • Conversation - earnest. Ability to introduce the word 'relationship' in any discussion

(Am I worried that I'll inevitably mutate into a desperate spinster as I get older and scrawnier and all my friends couple off? Er, no comment...)


  • A spinster cannot be assessed merely by appearance;depends on austerity and deep thoughts related to the whole humanity'as there is no existence of a single person;if true, respond?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:07 PM  

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