Tuesday, May 24, 2005

The Boy

"Are you still seeing that teacher bloke?"

This query startled me out of my trance of work-induced-boredom this morning.

"er, no, that all went horribly wrong a couple of months ago"....hasn't she noticed that I patently have not been mentioning any man-type action for a very long time?

Anyhow, the boy was a bit of an anomoly in my history of conquests. Utterly unsuitable in every feasible way. For a start, he's 23. And not an "old" 23 either. And he's a PE teacher. Hmmm. All he is interested in is playing rugby, watching rugby, and teaching rugby. (I fucking hate rugby and the wankers that play it)

But I went out with him because I thought he was gorgeous.

But it all went swimmingly at first, and for some reason he REALLY liked me. And I liked him too and I found myself doing that early-stages thing where you can only see the good things. We even had a bit of a regular Wednesday and Saturday night thing going on for a while.

But I should have sussed that something was up straight-away, because after spending the night, he always disappeared off the next morning before even having any breakfast. In fact, the first time we spent the night together, he didn't even stay over at all. If I was a proper girly-type instead of a bitter and twisted old spinster, I might have been upset....

But the real problem emerged very quickly - the boy doesn't like ladies to come with pubic hair!!! Hmmm. So after a few weeks I finally realised that if he just wasn't ever going to get down there it really wasn't ever going to work. I was a bit flummoxed by this; perhaps, I thought, I'm missing out, and the entire country has gone Brazilian except me? But a quick straw poll of every female I know has revealed that no (not even the highly fashionable ones) are in the Hitler-tash club. So it's not me, it's him, he's weird.

So it would be nice to report that I told him to take his immaturity and inappropriate (not to say bloody inconvenient) fetishes and fuck right off. Sadly, it ended with a whimper, not a bang - we hadn't seen each other for a while, then the texts and phone calls just dried up.

And who sent the last text? Me - guess I lost that one.


  • 'flummoxed' is such a great word. It's great to hear you use it in context.

    By Anonymous Phil, at 10:08 AM  

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